The Energon Pub

Those of you who subscribe to The Game Informer magazine have probably heard of the Sacred Cow Barbecue.

Honestly, I think that the SCB is a waste of paper. The people who write these columns have nothing good to say about video games. I was especially infuriated when one of my favorite franchises, Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors" and "conning nine-year-olds out of their allowance money". It doesn't stop there, either. It sees World of Warcraft as a "Bratz game for 36-year-old dudes", too.

I think that these writers once were simple invertebrates, spawned on 4chan, eating up all that was good in the world, thus becoming a troll. Then, they managed to gain just enough sentience to leave their computer and get a life. I then think that they soon lost their first job and were hired by Game Informer. These people think that "games today suck just as bad as they did in the golden age". The word "Entertainment" probably doesn't even compute to them. I know people have their opinions about certain franchises, but these people probably sit in a dark room, on their computer, being a troll. These kinds of people have no importance in this world. I wish natural selection would go into effect now...

(Plus, I don't understand why Pokemon HG/SS would get an 8.5 rating and then be bashed. Seriously, WTF?!)

You seem mad about something that is intended to make you mad?..

So...time well spent?

Okay boys and girls, welcome to Trolls 101. I am Professor Shadowman, Professor of Trollology at Yale.

The common image of a troll is a sweaty, greasy, overweight nerd typing in the dark about how every he doesn't like sucks, and he likes nothing.

This is, in fact, a misconception. A Troll likely doesn't ever give their real opinion. Instead, they'll offer some dissenting opinion, usually in an inflammatory manner, to offend and infuriate, because they find your anger funny.

This brings me to the term "Don't feed the trolls." While it's commonly believed that you shouldn't do this simply to prevent any sort of long-term conflict, or to ignore them makes them go away, it's actually because attempting to argue with them, or even get angry at them, is playing directly into their hand. To be offended or angered by a troll is like trying to punish someone by playing them clips of their favorite comedian; you're not phasing them, you're entertaining them.

Now, Sacred Cow Barbecue. Can anyone tell me another word for Barbecue? yes, you in the back? Oh wait that's me. Another word for Barbecue is Roast. And can anyone tell me what happens at a roast? That's right, you openly mock the ones you love.

Now, the tl;dr version you've all been waiting for:

An asshole is someone who offends people by being a prick about their opinion.

A troll is someone who offends people by PRETENDING to be a prick about their opinion, for laughs.

A roast is where people make fun of someone, all in good fun.

Class dismissed. There may or may not be a pop quiz tomorrow. Sleep in fear.

Shadowman wrote:Okay boys and girls, welcome to Trolls 101. I am Professor Shadowman, Professor of Trollology at Yale.

The common image of a troll is a sweaty, greasy, overweight nerd typing in the dark about how every he doesn't like sucks, and he likes nothing.

This is, in fact, a misconception. A Troll likely doesn't ever give their real opinion. Instead, they'll offer some dissenting opinion, usually in an inflammatory manner, to offend and infuriate, because they find your anger funny.

This brings me to the term "Don't feed the trolls." While it's commonly believed that you shouldn't do this simply to prevent any sort of long-term conflict, or to ignore them makes them go away, it's actually because attempting to argue with them, or even get angry at them, is playing directly into their hand. To be offended or angered by a troll is like trying to punish someone by playing them clips of their favorite comedian; you're not phasing them, you're entertaining them.

Now, Sacred Cow Barbecue. Can anyone tell me another word for Barbecue? yes, you in the back? Oh wait that's me. Another word for Barbecue is Roast. And can anyone tell me what happens at a roast? That's right, you openly mock the ones you love.

Now, the tl;dr version you've all been waiting for:

An asshole is someone who offends people by being a prick about their opinion.

A troll is someone who offends people by PRETENDING to be a prick about their opinion, for laughs.

A roast is where people make fun of someone, all in good fun.

Class dismissed. There may or may not be a pop quiz tomorrow. Sleep in fear.

So I guess you're roasting me?

Oh well... Some people say that I taste good with Cajun seasoning!

Also, I don't actually believe you got that Professor of Trollology title.

Shadowman wrote:Okay boys and girls, welcome to Trolls 101. I am Professor Shadowman, Professor of Trollology at Yale.

The common image of a troll is a sweaty, greasy, overweight nerd typing in the dark about how every he doesn't like sucks, and he likes nothing.

This is, in fact, a misconception. A Troll likely doesn't ever give their real opinion. Instead, they'll offer some dissenting opinion, usually in an inflammatory manner, to offend and infuriate, because they find your anger funny.

This brings me to the term "Don't feed the trolls." While it's commonly believed that you shouldn't do this simply to prevent any sort of long-term conflict, or to ignore them makes them go away, it's actually because attempting to argue with them, or even get angry at them, is playing directly into their hand. To be offended or angered by a troll is like trying to punish someone by playing them clips of their favorite comedian; you're not phasing them, you're entertaining them.

Now, Sacred Cow Barbecue. Can anyone tell me another word for Barbecue? yes, you in the back? Oh wait that's me. Another word for Barbecue is Roast. And can anyone tell me what happens at a roast? That's right, you openly mock the ones you love.

Now, the tl;dr version you've all been waiting for:

An asshole is someone who offends people by being a prick about their opinion.

A troll is someone who offends people by PRETENDING to be a prick about their opinion, for laughs.

A roast is where people make fun of someone, all in good fun.

Class dismissed. There may or may not be a pop quiz tomorrow. Sleep in fear.

So I guess you're roasting me?

Oh well... Some people say that I taste good with Cajun seasoning!

Also, I don't actually believe you got that Professor of Trollology title.

Sackjack wrote:So I guess you're roasting me?

Ah, no. You see, you only really roast people you like.

Sackjack wrote:Oh well... Some people say that I taste good with Cajun seasoning!

You taste rancid with cajun seasoning. You taste like pickled cabbage and gym socks.

Sackjack wrote:Also, I don't actually believe you got that Professor of Trollology title.

I'll have you know I spent 12 years studying for my PhD in Trollology, ignoring that I'm only 21 and that means I would have entered college at age 9. and I'm currently considered the best in my field after I had the previous best in my field horribly murdered in an "accident" that I was in no way involved in.

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Shadowman wrote:

Sackjack wrote:So I guess you're roasting me?

Ah, no. You see, you only really roast people you like.

Sackjack wrote:Oh well... Some people say that I taste good with Cajun seasoning!

You taste rancid with cajun seasoning. You taste like pickled cabbage and gym socks.

Sackjack wrote:Also, I don't actually believe you got that Professor of Trollology title.

I'll have you know I spent 12 years studying for my PhD in Trollology, ignoring that I'm only 21 and that means I would have entered college at age 9. and I'm currently considered the best in my field after I had the previous best in my field horribly murdered in an "accident" that I was in no way involved in.

You know nothing about trolling. Like at all. In fact, I'd hazard that you've been a lolcow for trolls quite often in the past.

Seems relevant. Shadowman is trolling no one but himself.

Jeep? wrote:Seems relevant. Shadowman is trolling no one but himself.

Oh my God it's true! This is like an M Night Shyamalan movie...but enjoyable!

EDIT: Though my ability to care about the topic fades once I've been proven wrong, let it never be said that TV Tropes doesn't like to keep the party going.

A case-in-point of the GIFT, the troll delights in sowing chaos; he is enamored by the thought that he can set off total strangers and derail entire forum topics by posting one simple message. At the same time, anonymity shields him from the uncomfortable realization that total strangers are currently fantasizing about his brutal and painful death.

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Wel,, I guess everyone has their own opinions...

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Wel,, I guess everyone has their own opinions...

Death to the unbelievers!!

i have no idea whats giong on here but id like to point out that cows arnt sacred in india its the one animal that isnt infact thats from steven fry on qi

shortwave wrote:i have no idea whats giong on here but id like to point out that cows arnt sacred in india its the one animal that isnt infact thats from steven fry on qi

Cows are sacred in Hinduism, which is the main religion in India. In most of India, in fact, killing cows is illegal. Ghandi himself said "The central fact of Hinduism is cow protection." And I think Ghandi would have known more on Hinduism than a British game show.

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Wel,, I guess everyone has their own opinions...

I have nothing against Pokemon, I just never heard its game play referred to that way.

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Wel,, I guess everyone has their own opinions...

I have nothing against Pokemon, I just never heard its game play referred to that way.

Oh. OK then. The gameplay isn't even like Rock-Paper-Scissors, except in the strengths and weaknesses of the starters.

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Wel,, I guess everyone has their own opinions...

I have nothing against Pokemon, I just never heard its game play referred to that way.

Oh. OK then. The gameplay isn't even like Rock-Paper-Scissors, except in the strengths and weaknesses of the starters.

Umm, you do know that this is Sattire, right? That these guys aren't serious? God of War 3 actually got a perfect score, so they wouldn't just go and bash it seriously. Pokemon has had excellent reviews as well, and do i even need to mention Braid? Like Gameinfarcer, this is just for S**ts and Giggles.

JetOptimus23 wrote:

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:

Rodimus Prime wrote:

Sackjack wrote:Pokemon, was described as "a dumbed-down version of Rock-Paper-Scissors"

Wel,, I guess everyone has their own opinions...

I have nothing against Pokemon, I just never heard its game play referred to that way.

Oh. OK then. The gameplay isn't even like Rock-Paper-Scissors, except in the strengths and weaknesses of the starters.

Umm, you do know that this is Sattire, right? That these guys aren't serious? God of War 3 actually got a perfect score, so they wouldn't just go and bash it seriously. Pokemon has had excellent reviews as well, and do i even need to mention Braid? Like Gameinfarcer, this is just for S**ts and Giggles.

I do now. Thanks for checking.

I actually enjoyed it. God of War and Braid were kind of harsh, but still funny. WoW was HILARIOUS! i totally agree with them on that one.

I agree with what they said about God of War, it's just a dumbbed down version of Devil May Cry. Other than that it was like reading youtube comments.

Evil_the_Nub wrote:I agree with what they said about God of War, it's just a dumbbed down version of Devil May Cry.

They're similar in a lot of ways, but I actually prefer God of War's combat over DMC. It's not "dumbed down" so much as it's "altered so heavily it's barely the same at all."