Your story is fairly cohesive. It seems almost a Gnostic view on the whole Primus docterine. Primus as a false god and such is an idea I haven't seem before. But how did Unicron get so massive?
I last hashed it out in this thread:
what-tf-creation-myth-does-everyone-follow-t44841s25.phpbut here it is again, since it's been a few years.
I don't really have my own myth, but I have a daydream which sketches out the TF origins that I would use if I had gotten to develop them. It deals with a series of questions that are raised throughout TF stories.
1. Why are TF's humanoid? Why not all of them?
2. Why is Cybertron so small?
3. Why does Cybertron have engines?
4. What is the Unicron connection?
5. What about the Quints?
6. What is the Matrix?
7. Where did Vector Sigma come from?
8. What is energon?
So... here goes.
Once upon a time there was an advanced organic humanoid culture in a very old star system. Their sun was soon to go red giant, obliterating many worlds and leaving none habitable. The peak of their power-tech is Energon, a quasi-mysical ultimate form of energy, as if potential could be converted into matter. They build a huge interstellar craft, or two, to colonize a new world with as many citizens as possible. One colony ship and one for raw materials and resource processing (Cybertron and Unicron.) Most are put into cold sleep to endure the journey, and a small society of operators are left to live in real-time, guiding the craft over generations. They are aided by a host of AI machenery and vehicles.
Things start to go wrong and break down. The closest system is not as habitable as they had hoped, and terraforming equipment is lost and damaged beyond repair in the attempt to make it habitable. They continue to the next-best bet of a system.
Systems start to fail. Original designers are in cold sleep or long dead. Attempts at reviving colonists fail, although the cold-sleeping bodies are still in tact. Attempts are made to tranfer intelligence from sleeping colonists into AI machines. Success is achieved, but great gaps appear in knowledge and memory. Personalities, however, are surprisingly whole. Transferred Colonists prefer humanoid shapes, otherwise they regress and dissipate, if not go mad.
Cold sleep systems fail. Colonist personalities are copied into a mainfram, Vector Sigma. Organic leftovers are processed.
The general life support systems begin to fail. Air and water cycles have given in to entropy and operator gene pools have grown shallow. Operators undergo the Transfer in order to continue their duties. The resulting memory loss disrupts the contiuity of history. One or two AI/ early transfers realize the trauma that could result from total recall, they erase all evidence of an organic past. They also develop a way to tranfer and store memories and personalities together, outside Vector Sigma, with little degredation. This will become the Matrix.
Transforming is invented to help the vehicle-bound AI better interact with the humanoid Trasferred organics. Scale of technology (the humanoids are rather large) has meant that the vehicles were more like beasts-of-burden anyways. Distinctions blur as AI develop stronger personalities. The ships' main computers also gain in self-awareness, but keep it a secret.
Layers continue to be built as the binary starships cross the galaxy. They now more resemble the planetoids and moons they consume for energy and materials. Primus and Unicron develop agendas.
Quintessons invade, enslave. Secred cabal of TF's on Unicron hold the Matrix, work on a way to destroy this, the hub of the Quint's new wealth. Transformers perfect transformation and discover mass-shifting. Unicron learns this technology, and of the plot for his destruction, escapes, develops "immune system" and transforming ability.
TF's repel Quints in an uprising many years later.
Decepticons develop as a virus corrupts programming, personalities. Some decepticons not corrupted, just opportunists or bad folks all along.
Insert the rest of the media here.
Well that sort of answers my own questions, what do you think? (This doesn't go along with any canon, but it answers questions the canons never did.)