Okidoki EunuchRon, I'm going to read it again because so much info. Very cool
Now I'm going to write something.
Transformers McGuffin:
Transformers 1, Allspark, everyone needs it because it has the power to create life.
It kills a Transformer when put close to the spark.
It revives a Transformer from the dead when put close to the spark.
It crashlanded on a distant alien planet called Dirt.
Transformers 2, Allspark Shard, Matrix of Leadership, Sun Harvester. (I know writers strike, bla bla) Allspark Shard revives Megatron, other Allspark shard we never see again. 12 or 13 primes, they die because 1 is supposedly stronger or whatever. They had a poem to the location of the harvester. And they need the Matrix to activate it. The fallen just arrived on planet Dirt a long time ago just because.
One of the most beloved Transformers ever has 2 testicles and gets defeated by 2 minibots, but I'm going offtopic now.
Transformers 3, Pillars, they need it to get Cybertron to earth. Now this is my most favorite one because of Ultimate Doom reference. Still, everyone's after pillars, but also character development.
Transformers 4, The Seed, everyone wants the seed and doesn't want the others to have the seed. Transformers, or the creators were on earth even before humans. Eh, you have Dinobots who were Knights, captured by Lockdown who arrived in the present day on earth. Still Dinobots have Dinosaur altmodes. They aren't Primes, but Optimus Prime is a Knight. The creators are organic, and the dogs of Lockdown are cyborgs, and Hound (an autobot good guy who acts like an ashole) shoots a random alien. Anyway big magnet in the air for spectacle but a completely useless weapon who only needs 1 bullet to the eyeball to die, but offtopic again.
Sorry for the long rant guys, just look this post over.
Transformers 5, we need the seal who's a body creeper, and we need the decendant of a drunk Stanly Tucci wizard, but we also need the Last Knight to protect the Staff, which we also need so that we can activate Cybertron because it's dead and in pieces but underway to earth now. Within a few hours, eventhough they needed a huge freaking space bridge in Transformers 3 to get Cybertron to earth. Now the planet can move on its own to planet Dirt. Quintessa wants the staff to revive Cybertron by killing Earth which is Unicron. But Quintessa is a Prime, so she should also be a Dinobot Knight. But the Knights are 12 Transformers who form 1 dragon who were on earth in medieval times. And all the primes died by forming a pyramid on planet Dirt but she wasn't there because she doesn't look like a Bionicle she looks like Cortana from Halo but with hentai tentacles. So she wants to kill Unicron who is Earth which was metalized by multiple seeds during Dinosaur time according to Transformers 4. And The Fallen didn't know he was on Unicron when he woke up. And then there's Sentinel Prime, who isn't a Dinobot or Knight. But there's organic grass on Cybertron because f*ck it.
Did anyone of the movie makers give a *%@# about Transformers?
Questions I still have:
Megatron/Galvatron, What the f*ck?
What's wrong with Bumblebee, why is he Iron Man 3 suit 42?
Again baby Dinobots?
Who's the Constructicon on the junkyard?
Why is Quintessa a creator, but doesn't look like one and is a Prime?
Why is John Torturro in this movie?
If they're going to call him Nemesis Prime, why isn't he black/teal?
Did Drift fight anyone more than half a second? Why is he red now?
Did Crosshairs shoot anything more than half a second?
Was it a joke that Transformers were on earth and with every single event with humans?
Why couldn't Bumblebee speak eventhough he could speak in Transformers 2?
For those still reading, of course I shouldn't be nitpicking, but this is not nitpicking. And they annoyed the hell out of me because the rest is very bad. If the action and fight outcome choices were better, longer and if the story and dialogue were better. The characters were better I couldn't care less about the gigantic consistencies between the movies. Why does Bay have to re-invent the past over and over again? Why have Transformers always been on earth in every single movie again?
Anyway the movie franchise should die. Start again with Bumblebee, and give him screentime.
My god, the movie team just had a box of toys and a fetish for Sir Anthony Hopkins and brunettes, found some cool elements in some comic, movie, internet meme or whatever and made The Last Knight. It's nonsense.
Sorry people, this movie just makes me mad.
