The Energon Pub

[Mudflap Prime]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Anyone else with jokes?

[Senor Hugo]

A baby seal walks into a club

[teroh1988]

A zombie walks into a bar...
the bartender says "we dont get many of you undead types around her"
the zombie say "argggghhhh" and eats the bartender

[Scatterlung]

A tourist stops off at a resturant in Spain. As he sits, he smells something absolutely irrisistable from the next table. He calls a waiter and asks, "What is that?". The waiter informs him that it's bull's testicles from the day's bullfight. The man asks if he could have some himself.
"Sorry, Sir, there is only one bullfight a day, and therefore only one serving". So the man asks if he can have some reserved for him for the next day, the waiter agrees.

The man comes back the following day, and the dish is set in front of him. He's confused though, as the testicles on the dish are much smaller than the ones he'd seen yesterday. He calls the waiter over and asks, "Why are these so small?" to which the waiter replies, "Well, Sir. Sometimes the bull wins."

[Me, Grimlock!]

"Well, Sir. Sometimes the bull wins."

The FBI is looking for a new agent. So they interview three people but can only choose one, the most ruthless of the three. They devise a test in which each man is told to walk into a room and shoot the person inside. It was only a test, not the real thing, so the testers loaded the gun with blanks.

The first one enters the room, then comes right back out. "That's my wife in there! I can't kill my wife for anything!"

The second does the same thing.

The third walks in. Some time passes, but he comes out panting. "Well, the gun was loaded with blanks. But I grabbed the chair she was sitting on and beat her with it instead."

[DREWCIFER]

A mushroom walks into a bar.
The Bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom says, "Why? I'm a Fungi."

[Subsonika]

Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It drove down the road and turned into a field.

[Jeep?]

Everyone loves anti humour. Or at least, I do.

What's the difference between a duck?
One of its legs are both the same.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.

How many people of a certain ethnic group does it take to change a lightbulb?
X. One to change the lightbulb, and X-1 to do something which is in fitting with the accepted stereotype of that ethnic group.

[Subsonika]

whats pink and red and hangs from the ceiling?

a baby on a meathook.








sorry.

[Jeep?]

whats pink and red and hangs from the ceiling?

a baby on a meathook.








sorry.

Please don't get me started on those, I'll end up getting myself banned.

[Shadowman]

whats pink and red and hangs from the ceiling?

a baby on a meathook.








sorry.

Please don't get me started on those, I'll end up getting myself banned.

What's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a Ford Mustang?









I don't have a Ford Mustang in my driveway.

[Flesh Creature]

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

[Evolution Prime]

whats pink and red and hangs from the ceiling?

a baby on a meathook.








sorry.

Please don't get me started on those, I'll end up getting myself banned.

What's the difference between a thousand dead babies and a Ford Mustang?









I don't have a Ford Mustang in my driveway.

So wrong but so hilarious. lol.

[Mudflap Prime]

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

[Subsonika]

whats pink and red and hangs from the ceiling?

a baby on a meathook.








sorry.

Please don't get me started on those, I'll end up getting myself banned.

it's a thin line we walk.

[Jeep?]

whats pink and red and hangs from the ceiling?

a baby on a meathook.








sorry.

Please don't get me started on those, I'll end up getting myself banned.

it's a thin line we walk.

I try to practice walking it straight.

[Subsonika]

A man walked into a bar with a frog on his head.

The barman said "what's that doing there?"

The frog replied " I don't know it started as a pimple on my ass this morning"

[*Elita_One*]

Hold on to the New Quarter

Hang on to any of the new 2007 Newfoundland Quarters. If you have them; they may be worth much more than 25 cents.The Canadian Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Newfoundland quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each province.

This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or any other coin operated device.

The problem lies in the unique design of the quarter, which was designed by a team of genuine Newfoundlanders.

Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the machines.

[Mudflap Prime]

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

[BLACKBIRD]

Three Generals, USAF,US ARMY and USMC got the new Budget for to coming year. They realize that they were having to make cuts in order to make it work. They came up with the idea that they having to Retire from the Service. So, they cam up with a lump-sum Retirement pay. They would mesure from one part of their body to another and get $10,000 an inch, so the USAF General said "I want to be measured from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head" He got $450,000.
The US ARMY General thought, I am going to out do the Air Force He said, " I want to be mesured from the tips of my toes to the ends of my out reach hands" He got $650,000. Well the USMC General said, " I want to be from the tip of my Manhood to the bottom of my scrodum" Both of the Generals said " You will not get much!" The USMC General said, " I do not care, I want it measured!" The USAF General said, " You Need to goto the Hospital to get that done, we can not do that here" So, the USMC General went to Hospital and the Nurse was getting the meusring tape out and the USMC General droped his pants, Nurse put the end of the mesuring tape on the end of his Manhood and looked down and said, " WHERE IS THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SCRODUM!" The USMC General said with a grin " VIETNAM! "

Now, this shows that the USMC has some BRAINS AND A SENSE OF HUMOR!

[Mudflap Prime]

A 60 yr old man goes to visit his doctor for a regular checkup.

Oldman: "DOC, you are not going to believe how good I have been feeling lately, I have a new wife and she is only 20 yrs old, and pregnant with my child!, life sure is taking a change for the better"

Doctor: " O really now?

Oldman: "Yea what do you think about that!?"

Doctor: "Let me tell you a quick story of a man I used to know, and you will then know my opinion."

Oldman: "ok"

Doctor: "I used to know a man like you, and one day he went out hunting. He got to his favorite hunting spot, and noticed that he had forgotten his gun. Right about that time a prime beaver walked into the clearing. The man knew he didn’t have his gun, but decided to try something else. The man pointed his finger and said "BANG", just as he said that, a shot rang out through the woods and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?"

Oldman: "Well honestly I think someone else pumped a couple of stray rounds into that beaver."

Doctor:" My point exactly"

[DREWCIFER]

Where do fish keep their money?
...RiverBanks!

Why did the skeleton go to the movie alone?
...Because, he had no body to go with him.

...and...

Why did the chicken cross thr road?
...To prove he had Guts.

[Mudflap Prime]

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

[Mudflap Prime]

...and...

As Bill was approaching mid-life, physically he was a mess. Not only was he going bald, but years of office work had given him a large pot belly. The last straw came when he asked a woman co-worker out on a date, and she all but laughed at him. That does it, he decided. I'm going to start a whole new regimen. He began attending aerobics classes. He started working out with weights. He changed his diet. And he got an expensive hair transplant. In six months, he was a different man. Again, he asked his female co-worker out, and this time she accepted.

There he was, all dressed up for the date, looking better than he ever had. He stood poised to ring the woman's doorbell, when a bolt of lightning struck him and knocked him off his feet. As he lay there dying, he turned his eyes toward the heavens and said, "Why, God, why now? After all I've been through, how could you do this to me?"

From up above, there came a voice, "Sorry. I didn't not recoginize you."

[GrimSqueaker]

Daddy Hedgehog: Now son its time to teach u how to cross the road!

Baby: 'Kay

Daddy:Now you gotta walk half way across it, and when u see the big lights coming duck down inbetween them and u'll be ok.

-so the baby hedgehog walks across, although he is scared, he sees the lights coming, positions himself carefully between them, and.......



SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Daddy: F**k, I didnt know they still made Robin Reliants?!?