by Malikon » Fri Jan 04, 2008 3:44 pm
Seemed like a fun idea, and some of the other ones are really funny so I thought I'd give it a shot.
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Optimus: Autobots? We need to talk. Lately I've been feeling,.....you know,....not so fresh.
Jazz: Fo Sho Prime! Fo Sho, I feel dat, I do. But can always trick you out dawg, know wha' uhm sayin'? Fo Real right, like, gets some tricked out pimped out flames painted on ya and....
**Knocks Jazz across the room, flying into Teletran-1**
Teletran-1: HEY WHAT THE F**---
Jazz: PRIME!! You slap me like a ho? Whaddafug dawg?
Optimus: It's Optimus PRIME, not Optimus PIMP!! Now quite your stupid suggestions unless you want me tricking you out in every used-car lot we find!
IronHide: Now Prime, that's really not --
Optimus: Did someone ask you ThickA**? That's what IronHide means right? Thick-A**?? And why again did you choose that? Bumblebee I could see, Jazz I could see, Ratchet fixes things, but you?? WTF? Just thought, 'what's a cool way to say Thick-A**? I know! IRONHIDE!!' I'll tell you what, tell you what. Next time I go, "I need suggestions from the oldest bot who's pieced together from 5 other bots and has the collective intelligence of none. Then I'll ask you. Allright? Sound fair? Jeez what is that in your hip? It's that a Rascal motorscooter? Did medacare actually give you a motoscooter and you replaced your hip with it? WTF IronHide? You've got more parts falling out of you then that PayLoad bot.
Teletran-1: Incoming message from Ultra Magnus
Optimus: Put it on the screen.
Ultra Magnus: "Optimus! How good to-"
Optimus: STFU Magnus! Do you know how expensive these space bridge calls are at peak times? What do you need?
Ultra Magnus: Well the guys and I were just, you know, just talking, and they pointed out how similar looking we are, and I was like, "Yeah, you should ask Prime about the time he made me the leader of the AutoBots." But they didn't believe me so I thought maybe you could-
Optimus: Oh yeah, oh yeah I made you f**king leader all right. On my damn deathbed when I didn't have any other choice. And even then you almost dropped the Matrix and doomed the rest of the autobots. Good thing that little f**ker HotRod was around to catch it huh? Yeah, those lightening fast reflexes sure helped you out there. Why not mention to them about how you couldn't get the Matrix open and then the Cons dismembered you. That a good story? You like that one? You and HotRod are the two biggest f**kups I've ever met in my - -
Ultra Magnus: Hey! No see here-
Optimus: NO! You see! See Yourself!! Go buy some damn paint you white ghost looking bastard! That's right, Bastard!! Mom hated you, you were the embarrasment of the family. If you were any whiter you'd look like Starscreams ghost!
**Magnus starts crying**
Optimus: And that's why you're a pu**y! **clicks Teletran off**
**Autobots stand around, jaws hanging open**
Ratchet: Prime, we need to talk. Since you started injecting that WD-40 into your hydraulics, you're just not the same anymore. You're crouchy and cranky when you don't get your fix of the 40. I see it, we all see it, and as your friends we're concerned.
Optimus: **looks down, lowers face shield** You,.....you're right, you're all right. It, it started so simply at first, a little shot of 40 to make the day brighter. But then, almost before I knew it, it's like I, .... I had to get a fix of the WD-40 just to feel normal. I,......I,........**breaks down and starts sobbing**
IronHide: It's allright Prime, these things can happen. But we can fix it. Ratchet has a program that'll fix that bad code running inside you and everything will be-
Optimus: **blurts out** "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!! I ,....I ... Sold the Matrix for a bag of WD-40. ** sobs even harder **
Ratchet: Well Sh*t!
IronHide: Yeah we're f**ked.
Jazz: Hey, where the hells Bumblebee?
Optimus: ** Looking up ** I uhm,.....sold him into slavery.
Ratchet/IronHide/Jazz: WHAT!!?!?!?!
Optimus: Yeah I sold him to Disney, they're doing these Herbie movies and they said he was right for the part, so acting as his agent I sold him to Disney?
IronHide: Prime, you can't just sell a bot to the humans. Freedom is the right of all sentient life, remember?
Optimus: Yeah, but they gave me half a million, a case of WD-40, and a half hour alone with the chick/car from that Pixar movie. But then when I was alone with her, I couldn't get the ol' hydraulics working. **slams fist into counter**
Optimus: I promise you autobots, if I can't get clean and sober and off the 40, then I will sacrifice myself to --
**Ratchet Jazz and IronHide roll thier eyes and walk away**
**overheard as they were leaving** " - - sacrifice myself - - blah blah blah - - ..... kill himself for a sandwich if he were hungry enough.......so if Magnus is related but is a different color does that mean Mama-Prime is a ho? **
No way he did not?"
hee hee.......
