Operation Engagement -- Rated Comedy

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Operation Engagement -- Rated Comedy

Postby Friend of Da Panda Symbol » Fri Aug 04, 2017 8:52 pm


Two bases housing opposing sides separated by miles within which was included a vast sea.

For now the combatants on either side were quiet.

One can hear the tiniest metal shard drop.

If one's ear was focused upon that. No ear was.

Until the last strain of the Original Star Trek end theme died off.

Then those abiding on the land base by and large resumed their purposeful bustle so prevalent before the first tones of the teaser music.

But there were two exceptions, one soldier on either side. The episode had plunged the two no longer watching into opposite moods.

Not Ironhide, an Autobot, who while testing his newly maintenanced arm stopped to agree with his colleague. "Ter'ble episode; still best part battle with Klingons, right?"

The queried upon, Autobot Strategist Prowl, remained bending forward at the waist and face palmed nodded and sighed. "Can't wait until this season's over." To passer by Bumblebee's cheerfully spoken point the repeated nod and sigh then speech. "Episodes number remaining, affirmative--If the station follows the order originally aired.

"Ironhide, Bumblebee, until season ends will insert in that time reviewing, analyzing Napoleon biographies Chip loaned me." Prowl restored his normally neutral expression as his head came out his hands. "Chess with Jazz to commence in four minutes." With a vaulting hop over the side of his seat and less than a dozen purposeful steps he was around the corner.

"Think Prowl should complain to cable company 'bout their listin' on screen schedules and makers of scheduling' books again, Bumblebee."

"Or we get him portable entertainment syst--" Bumblebee caught him-self. For three weeks Wheeljack, Ratchet and Perceptor had been working on entertainment device or devices which would not give the opposing Decepticons another means to crawl into their lives at the first given opportunity.

Megatron's laughter generated more bubbles than usual outside his underwater base. The episode's goings on had germinated a hideous idea that embarked Starscream on yet another quest to dethrone the mirthful superior. "The show amused you, Leader?"

Had his brainstorm not uplifted his disposition Megatron would have elbowed his chief of stupid acts to the deck on leaving his chair. "Soundwave, get me all the dictates of arranged marriages putting emphasis all laws governing same."

"Beyond Earth, Megatron?"

"Wider the list of civilizations gives me more laws to warp. I want it by sundown tomorrow--And do I need say quickly?"

"Out my way, fool!" The power mad annoyance brought to mind an earth vulture flapping over a carcass. "I'll decide what part you'll have in my farce." Strutting out the Seeker's sight, Megatron resumed that laughter whilst watching that Star Trek episode.

"Excellent, Soundwave, efficient as always." The rectangular table was a bookworm's dream--usbs and electronic books being the only Earth reference holder gadgets neatly piled upon the rectangular table. The balance came from other worlds in their sphere of knowledge barring Cybertron. Their home planet had no sort of material in the scheme the Decepticon commander had in mind.

"Awaiting further orders, Megatron."

"None yet. And very good, Bombshell, for producing this crucial part in my plan which Starscream will bear." The component being the tiny box that Rumble was bearing at overall leaders right elbow. "Except Starscream, who will accompany me whether he wants to or not, all will lag five Earth minutes behind.

"You have an objection carrying it?" Megatron was more than a tad put out by the restart of the Seeker Chief's minute muttering and finger tapping on the table--ALL DAY LONG AND OVER EVERYTHING! Hence he hurled the masterpiece facet which bumped against his target's chest. For the second time in a few minutes Megatron was guffawing at what was to come. "Today at sundown will commence Operation Engagement!"

"You're a fool thinkin--" Starscream's tirade shifted to a howl as his superior hauled him away by the neck. "You and I will embark on our cordial visit starting now."

"...twenty one hundred sixty-four dribbles; a new record, Prime." The small knot of an audience: Prowl, Tracks, Wheeljack, Hound, Bumblebee and Brawn clapped their admiration.

"One achieved due to absence of Decepticon activity." Two weeks three days and not so much an attack on Headquarters and/or infiltration by cunning Soundwave. Far more disturbing no urgent news report from humans. Feel they are planning something along an epic scale.

The basketball was dropped. The now preoccupied with those more important matters converted into his vehicular mode two thirds in his drop off the cliff, roared off.

Well, it lasted twenty point two Earth minutes. "Anyone with other suggestions to get him to take it easy?" Hound's list of helpful recommendations were at its end.

"Bios on Napoleon?"

"As of noon today finished two reads more than I, Wheeljack." Transformed Prowl rolled for the base as well. Yet another chess game, this time with Perceptor, was waiting in the wings.

Meanwhile, two unwanted, not waiting mechanisms were cruising out mid-level clouds brushed pink by the sunset. Starscream was wrecking the commanded slow and silent flight, shooting and wailing at any feathered thing fluttering too close and at a particularly crafty speedy turkey vulture when it deposited droppings on his nose cone.

"Let me take indignity done me out on these asinine--"

"Shut up." Megatron's neck cuff knocked his just landed and transformed associate to his knees. "Hello, Autobots you can put your toys away, surely." That syrupy tone plus smiling visage once again equaled a thing or things to come far than being beneficial. "I come to initiate time of--" Megatron was also taken off his feet in his case a shot from Prime's laser rifle.

"Attempting to blast us to slag first then overrun the humans." The Autobot leader had returned having heard Starscream's wailing seven kilometers into his nine kilometer return to Headquarters. Close behind him trailed those Autobots that had also heard Starscream at headquarters. The already there and newly arrived leveled their assorted type guns.

Megatron nimbly evaded Prime's second shot by a droop and roll. "N-Not on my mind at all, ru-ru--really, Prime, allow me to speak it. Please." Rising from his prone position he dusted himself off.

A low scoff from Tracks: "As the humans say: 'What the h-e double hockey sticks?'"

"Very well, speak." Slowly the black rifle went to Prime's side. Then and only then did the other Autobots put their hand held weapons to their sides as well.

"And it better not be setting up another one on one battle fixed to your advantage."

"Brawn, you little rubbish pile lunkhead, Megatron isn't speaking to you!"

"Last time asking you to be silent, Starscream. Excuse my rough tone with my dullard, Prime.

"As to my purpose here. I weary of this conflict; it's gone on too long--"

"Bah, doesn't that speech sound familiar."

"First let us listen to his treaty arrangement, Brawn. Continue, Megatron."

"Arranged intimate relationships, Prime--Autobots; what do you know about them?"

"He's referring to the institution of marriage." Starscream interposed. Presently the rest of Megatron's minions were lining themselves behind their commander. Sprinkled among them grumblings over that turkey vulture loving to peck and defecate on their hulls. Rumble was the only one behaving in the typical Decepticon blowhard attitude having busying himself shooting/shooing the pests away from Soundwave to whom Cliffjumper laughingly pointed.

"Want us to attend you and Gloomy Wavy's nuptials? Sorry only thing we'd cater to are the fireworks."

"How 'bout I attend to yaz doom if yaz harm Megatron and Sound--"

"Soundwave, return Rumble to you." The smeared on smirk failed to cover Megatron's exasperated grunt. And I thought Autobots would be the ones messing things up. "If you can't keep your--ahem--help in line, Optimus, I must insist we talk alone."

"The Autobots can remain if they want. This is taking too long. Proceed."

"I've come to select my Autobot bride. The union will serve as a permanent treaty between our factions."

"He watched last night's Star Trek--Ahhhowww!" Starscream jerked a thumb at the increasingly agitated Decepticon who in turn twisted that entire hand twice ending with palm side facing outward.

"Obviously. Who do you have in mind for this arranged intimate relationship?"

"Autobot Scout Bumblebee." Megatron was already purposefully sauntering towards him with the sincerity of a die hard miser faking philanthropy.

Bumblebee nearly dropped his weapon. "No--Milky--Way!"

This caused unabashed laughter among Megatron's ranks. "Talk about designating such a deficient choice." "Ahh, so little and cute." "Saying again, let's put a bow on him." "Vote for using pink veil to match his interior seating" "Know what I'll gift him--means to switch his alternate mode to a bee then squash him."

"My former hate of Autobots will turn to you fools if you don't shut your mechanized maws."

"Platinum Piston Pedophile!" A catcall from Ironhide initiated the slew of Autobot insults. "Kiss Cosmic Rust!" "I say leaving Earth be their dowry--" "I wonder if you Kookycons really know what a bride is?" "How many cubes have you downed today, Mighty Gulpatron?"

"I'll designate, cylindrical sli--" The small Autobot ventured forward.

But was stopped by Prime's placating tones and fatherly palm atop his head. "Bumblebee, Bumblebee. Autobots. Of course your plot is refused, Megatron."

"Then I guess I must give you an hour to provide an alternative selection." He dragged out a despairing moan.

"Or what, Decepticsicko?"

"Please, Ironhide." Hasn't mentioned Nightbird. On our part must not let her somehow be brought into this discussion. "Hm." A Prime chin rub terminated after a half hour during which the wide expanse overhead had steadily converted to nighttime black/blue. The sole noise above creeping about night scavengers and chirping crickets: sleep a from that Decepticon hating turkey vulture joined by a half dozen of his ilk. Beyond the birds no one else was in repose. Those who had considered rest from the now lagging happenings hastily shook the impulse off: "Do come back an hour from now, Decepticons, we'll have our choice awaiting you.

"By the way, what's in the box Starscream's holding in his functioning hand?"

"Present for the bride, Prime."

"Think again, Mega--."

"Calm, Bumblee. Ple--Just pitch it to me."

The Chief Seeker complied without so much as a glance to his leader--Megatron's expression shifting into poorly harnessed rage as, thanks to Prime's using his rifle as a baseball bat, hit the thing vertical then laser shot it dead on. The thing turned flying mini torch then ash then disappeared.

On the Decepticons taking flight, Autobots surrounded their boss finger snap quick. "Tell us you're not gonna offer yourself in this joke?"

"Ironhide...How fitting your using the word joke describing present situation. No, but I intend something that'll fall in their foul section. Wheeljack come with me, rest of you stay here. Please."

"Wonder what's he got on his mind?" The talking began when the departing Autobot motors died in the distance.

"Something that'll hopefully humiliate Megatron big time, Jazz." Prowl, with microscope formed Perceptor in his front passenger seat, had rejoined the group during Prime's first welcoming shot to their adversary.

"One can only hope he'll be gone an additional two weeks and three days ."

"True that, Perceptor." Tracks, Hound and Beachcomber nodded together.

Leader and inventor returned in no time, parking behind a cavernous rock formation a little ways down the cliff whereon the awaiting group stood. Sounds of Prime's trailer opening, the occasional whispered exchanges between them ending with the two chuckling, neither providing hint of Prime's brainstorm.

"There!" As easily as he had carried it, Prime rested a tall thing in the middle of the circle now surrounding Wheeljack and himself. It was a little over Bumblebee's height and covered with a quilted camouflage tarp. "Hound, have Decepticons embarked on return yet?"

"No, boss. Wait time given us ends in fifteen minutes."

"Perfect. Okay everyone. Here's the plan..." All present gathered around snickering now and then.

"Time's up." Megatron's announcement bull-horned before their first enemy could be seen. Hopefully his demeanor would be far from merry when he leaves.

"Well, Prime?"

"It was all for; none opposed."

"Thanks for giving us that hour to get her ready." Wheeljack was frantically smoothing the camo tarp. "She's wearing a veil 'cause she's shy. It's also tradition prevalent on Ear--"

"I-DON'T-CAAARE!" The Decepticon's put on politeness was straining not to leave. "Oh excuse me. Giving me a female Autobot, eh? How did you manage getting her past Shockwave?"

"Because he's Shockwave." Trailbreaker shrugged.

"What was that, Autobot?!" Megatron was on the brink of going rabid dog on the scattered Autobot tittering.

"You're getting off subject, Megatron. We've business to manufacture. Of which culture do you wis--"

"Yes, yes, Prime, whatever, now out my way--please." Megatron's shouldering pasts his worst nightmare was prevented by that Autobot's grip on his shoulder. The Decepticon's normal voice and behavior made its petulant return. "Getttt off mmmeee nnnowww!"

"Need to know whose laws you wish to employ, Lord Apparatus of Peace. Remember Cybertron has no regulations--."

"I want to see who it is first." The leaders now were face to face. By a slim copper strand Megatron was clenching onto his Lord Peace role.

"Pick Prime instead, kiss him!" Starscream yelled into the confrontation.

"I'll kiss you with my canon if you don't permit my conducting this meeting, fuselage stinking fool!

"Erase Starscream from you sensory matrix for the time being. We Autobots are also curious to know if you desire data of her

"I'll learn them once she's on--at my side."

It's all clear now. "Very well. Enjoy her beauty, Megatron." Optimus dramatically moved aside.

"Don't trust him, Megatron! Prime's too accommodating about handing--"

"My first order to her will be accommodating a certain Starscream with--WHAT IS THIS--THIS?????"

Tarp lifted, Megatron faced what was clearly a freak of a female Autobot or junk that that Wheeljack had taped together: Two almond colored boxes fused somehow with doors on front of each box.

"What is it, Megatron?"

"PRIIIME!!!" One thing that appeared advanced was the control board turned red--no, it was his vision as it shifted to anger.

"The humans call it a washer/dryer combination, right, Wheeljack?" Now carefully leaning alongside it, Prime patted the top of the appliance. Immediately the lower door disconnected, fell on the ground. "And before you say she's not an Autobot I'll counter with she belongs to an Autobot. Adopted her in other words."

First item in gadget collection I started eight weeks ago. "Named her April-Label. I adopted and treat her as if she were my daughter." Wheeljack's scurrying and repairing the door was a parody of his normal technique. The fifth door fall was joined with the upper door.

"Nothing but junk!" He kicked it sideways.

Really tempted yelling last word at you again. "I can request Wheeljack to fix the--darling's other difficulties once his schedule clears."

"If I may interject, Optimus? Thanks. Hey, Megatron, Wheeljack has a phonograph named Phyllis, wanna meet her?" Bumblebee's stifling laughter was immediately followed by Ironhide, Ratchet, Tracks then every Autobot--including Prime.

Concurrently Starscream was mimicking his commander outright. "'Soundwave, get me all the dictates of arranged marriages putting emphasis all laws governing same.' What about--Which of those laws you twisted will diffuse this outcome? Want to retreat so you can re-acquaint yourself?" Mimicking and cackling while changing out of root mode--until his leader hurled himself at him. "Let me test how much force it will take to rip your other arm off!"

The damage to old Screamer would not happen in the Autobots' sight. No one could think of a time in the recent past he had taken to flight so fast. "You're a dumb diode, Leader! During that hour should have made me stay to watch them!"

"You'll wish you had that bird after you!"

The rest of the Megatron's minions were uncharacteristically slow and wobbly in their taking to the air. "Need to recharge that's why they aren't fighting us." Prowl supposed.

"Yeah, wasted too much energy warding off those birds. Hey what you say, Cliffjumper?"

"Wished they had stayed for a fight. Must admit I'm a bit bored, Jazz." He was ruefully examining his glass gas gun. "Grabbing Bumblebee or handing over a female Autobot their afterburners."

"Right, Clifjumper." Shockwave's troubles coping with them has perhaps reached unbearable elevations as of late. That engagement token for the "bride" was no doubt yet another Insecticon Bombshell's mind altering doohickeys. The selection of Bumblebee was an on the spot alternative plan; use the box on him then with some clever talk back at Decepticon war room have him tell location of the Female Autobots. Could almost put that second on the stupid list; only four of us here-- Bumblebee not included--knows new location. Stupid item number one, thinking we, but especially me, are so desperate to stop the war any Autobot would be given over for sake of peace.

Megatron's peace. Fat chance, fathead.

"As Grimlock once said, 'Bad Megatron'." Prime chuckled. "Bad, dense plan." He called out to Wheeljack. "I'll put April back."

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