The Energon Pub

I have a 15 year old son,Jack. He has been best friends with the kid next door since they were 5 years old. Well this last summer Jack got himself his first girlfriend. She lives a few hours away but her parents have a big house and enjoy having him around so they come and pick him up about one weekend a month. They are both very well supervised. In fact her dad runs a trucking company from home. He also buys beat up classic cars, restores them then sells them. So there is pleanty of supervision. This has gone on for about 7 months now. It seems the more time goes by the more jealous Jack's freind gets. I let him go this weekend and Jack's friend started in right away and got very angry. Jack came home and said his friend was saying things about his girlfreind and he never wanted anything to do with him again. I can understand that Jack is angry. Jack's friend is probally also feeling like he is loosing a friend since when Jack is home he is mostly talking to his girlfriend on the cell phone. I do not want these two to throw away all these years they have been the best of friends though. Do boys just go through this at this point in their lives? Will they work it out on thier own or should I pull them aside and remind them that all this will pass.

It's something that kids of either gender go through when they get old enough to start getting interested in romantic relationships. I can remember when my best friend got her first boyfriend, and I was both jealous of not getting to spend as much time around her *and* envious the fact that she had a boyfriend and I didn't. It can take some time to reconcile those feelings, especially when your friend is so wrapped up in glee over their new love that they seem to have forgotten you exist, let alone care that you're upset.

If you feel a real need to do something, you could always try to talk to both boys a little bit individually... remind your son that just because he has a girlfriend doesn't mean he doesn't still need to spend time with and pay attention to his old friends, and remind your son's friend that even though your son has a girl it doesn't mean he doesn't still need/care about his friends. Try to do it from a "concerned friend" tone rather than a "parental authority" tone.

In the end, though... yeah, it's something kids gotta work out for themselves. It's just part of growing up.

As much as it hurts to see these boys go through this, you have to let it play out.

This is what young boys go through. Yes, it is jealousy from Jack's friend, nothing more. Since he is young, he has no idea how to handle his feelings in such a situation.


Ahh...the joys of boys!

Pyrostrata wrote:
Ahh...the joys of boys!

Most times it has been fun. Before this the worst problem I had was the kid having no fear or thought that he could get hurt. Like telling me he hit a hole in the ground while on his bike, flew over the handlebars and went headfirst into a tree. He then says it was the coolest stunt ever.

Young boys are an enigma, especially for their mothers...Most women are not totally privy to the inner-workings of the male mind, so some things they go through are uncharted territory!

My neighbor is like that. She comes and tells me the " horrible" things this boy has done. I sit there thinking um yeah he is doing what boys do. Would you rather he acted like a girl? I am in strange territory now since I had a baby girl. I cant stand most of the toys that are made for girls. Although I did see one of those battery operated cars for kids to ride in. It just happened to be a Pontiac Solstice. It was puple but I am sure Jack would love to paint it a different color.

I have to admit that personally I've always understood how men think better than how my own gender thinks. :>

Jeysie wrote:I have to admit that personally I've always understood how men think better than how my own gender thinks. :>

Welcome to my world!

Hell, the thread is about my gender, I guess a male might as well get involved.

I've gone through this...sort of. I had a friend who lived down the street. I'd go over to his place every so often. Then he got another friend, a kid so psychotic he etched words into his own arm with a steak knife. He tackled me a few times, and then I kind of got sick of it all and went home.

Well, my friend came over to my house a few days later. My mom got to the door before I did, only to be shocked that my friend only wanted to hang out because Mr. Psychotic wasn't around.

We kind of stopped there.

We met again many years later in high school. He tried to patch things up...by saying the psychotic kid wasn't around anymore. (He was not all that bright)

I made a point to avoid him if at all possible.

Yes, boys will be boys, that's how we are, teenage years doubly so. Testosterone makes us naturally aggressive, which causes a lot of friction between us.

Jeysie wrote:I have to admit that personally I've always understood how men think better than how my own gender thinks. :>

I know what you mean! I was always able to know what Jack was going through. We used to go to all of the motorsports events. We had some rough time health wise so we were not able to go for a little while. I had a little girl on Valentines day in 2005. Jack was wanting to get rid of his cars he spent his entire childhood collecting. I was putting them up in Jessica's room while he was at school and Jessica was very excited. She played with those things for 3 days. I finally put them away before she messed them up since they were the metal models Jack put together.
Oh Jacks friend came by wanting to patch things up. So I guess they are not mad anymore.

Missourisnowflakes wrote:Jack's friend is probally also feeling like he is loosing a friend since when Jack is home he is mostly talking to his girlfriend on the cell phone.

Make sure Jack is aware that when he's hanging out with this friend that he shouldn't have long cell phone talks with his gf. A few minutes is fine but he needs to not loose focus and ignore the friend he is with. He can always call her back when his friend leaves.

I have told him that many times. I dont think it has quite sunk in until this weekend why I tell him that when he is with his friend he needs to stay off of his phone. I think he finally gets it.

Well, you want to solve it, go to the source. I say get involved. If you do, your son and his friend may pass on that value and you'll find satisfaction in that you may have done something that'll last.

Being 14 myself, a year doesn't do much, so I feel exactly what both dudes are.
On Jack's side, I can imagine the feeling. But jealousy is fleeting. So if anything, tell him to withstand and talk with his buddy.

On the other's, it is slightly more complicated.
It is a mixed ordeal, when your friend finds osmeone. But what he must understand is that he can';t always cling to someone, and I'd suggest he try to find himself someone.

But intervention is important to prevent issues beyond this.

But is Jack calling the gf or is she calling him?

One of my workmates' sons when he was 13, had a "girlfriend" who would be calling and texting him every 5 mins when they weren't in school. He quickly dumped her because she wast too clingy.

But as long as you make Jack aware that he needs to balance time between friend and girlfriend then you've done pretty much all you can.

Another thing to consider is just because they've been friends a long time, doesn't mean they're going to be friends forever. It's not uncommon for people to drift apart as they get older and interests change.

Unless your boy is reaching out to you, I wouldn't get involved. Their relationship will play out, and they'll learn things from it, depending on how it's handled.

But it's important for kids to learn things on their own, I think. I outgrew friends like this, and Jack will to, probably.

I have two small boys. I can't even imagine how complex things will be when they are teenagers.

Your fifteen year old has a cell phone?

I just don't understand why someone who can't even have a job would need a cell phone

This is the type of thing young old friends need to learn to deal with. I say let them settle it themselves, and just be their for your own kid.

They may fight, they may not talk for a while, but whatever. when the crush ends(and you know it will) they'll go back to being fine.

Trust me, once this other kid, finds a girl of his own. The situation will become real apaerent to him, and then Jack will be in his shoes.

Original Sin wrote:Your fifteen year old has a cell phone?

I just don't understand why someone who can't even have a job would need a cell phone

Boy you must be old to not know that kids these days tend to get phones before they reach high school.

I remember those days. Such great days. Hearing the stories of what my best friend since we were 6 was doing with an underage freshman girl in the back the bus coming back from a field trip.

Only hearing those stories though. Ah the memories.


In all seriousness, it will pass. It really hurts being the one left out. But if they were friends since they were 5, he will forgive your son. And then get him back with his own girlfriend if your son breaks up with his.



(My friend with the underage freshman, he and I are still the best of friends. In fact, he and I are damn near brothers. We actually understand each other. We hated each other in high school. In high school. And not even all of it.)

(And he doesn't do that stuff anymore.)

Original Sin wrote:Your fifteen year old has a cell phone?

I just don't understand why someone who can't even have a job would need a cell phone

Yeah.

So hey, who do you like in the election this year? We've got George H. W. Bush running again, this weird Saxophone guy Bill Clinton, and everyone's personal favorite, who we are all so sure will take it by a landslide, Ross Perot. He's got my vote, that's for sure.

Have you played the Super Nintendo yet? Mario World actually has a background that scrolls at a slower speed than your walk. It's crazy.

Nice Hammer pants.

I lost two best friends over two seperate girls. First time, Me and said girl start seeing each other, and I find out my friend is saying stuff behind my back about it should be him with her, and then he said some things to her about getting with her. She told me, we guy talked and I told him to knock it off. He agreed. Week or two later, I start hearing the same thing again. To that point, my friend and I were like brothers, but that kind of came crashing down. Told him if he can't deal with it, we couldn't hang out. And we didn't for like 5 years. Saw him some last year, he's married now, and I'm not with that same girl anymore. But it turns out we'd just grown too far apart now, and I didn't feel much connection there anymore. Now we haven't spoken again for nearly a year.

Second time, with the gf I'm still with now, for 5 years, I met her at his college graduation party I threw him. She stopped by to give him a congrats card, and me and her kinda started talking. She got my IM name from him one night, and we started chatting. Her college school year ended and she came back to town, and wanted to start hanging out over here. So a few visits go by, and my friend tells me one day he's really into this girl, and I asked who and he says it's her. So now I'm in this awkward spot, as I've been seeing her, not really dating, but seeing her. And she told him they were just friends and she was not interested in him at all. We're walking out to her car in my driveway a couple days later, and he drives by my house. Stops in front, looks at us, spins his tires (78 Trans Am bandit series-6.6 liter), and never saw him again. Sent him a few messages that he didn't return.


I'd always heard not to fight over girls, but at some point it becomes inevitable, and that's usually when you find out who your friends are. And also, I was watching a show on Discovery or some channel one day, and they said that once hormones begin to drive the relationships, the male friendships invariably suffer, as girls will win every time. Just a biological truth.

Just let it play out.

Dark Zarak wrote:

Original Sin wrote:Your fifteen year old has a cell phone?

I just don't understand why someone who can't even have a job would need a cell phone

Yeah.

So hey, who do you like in the election this year? We've got George H. W. Bush running again, this weird Saxophone guy Bill Clinton, and everyone's personal favorite, who we are all so sure will take it by a landslide, Ross Perot. He's got my vote, that's for sure.

Have you played the Super Nintendo yet? Mario World actually has a background that scrolls at a slower speed than your walk. It's crazy.

Nice Hammer pants.

I'm almost 21 thank you very much

I just never saw the point in someone in middle school needing a cell phone.

I even see elementary kids having them.

Its just ridiculous to me.

I agree with Original Sin. Teenagers don't need cell phones for social purposes. I'm only 23 and I remember using my parent's cell phone at one point. I was 16 (this cell phone is a dinosaur by today's standards) and I showed my boyfriend the phone like it was some kind of trophy. I didn't get my own til I was 19, because I hated how people looked in public with a phone plastered to their ear. We HAD to get a phone. Teens with phones just invites trouble, if you ask me.

Now my friend's six year old kid has a cell phone! Today's kids just don't know.

No, no, no, no, no, no....... Teenagers with a cell phone is a great idea. A prepaid cell phone. Then you tell them its utterly useless until they make the money and they pump the thing full of life. Teenager wants to use cell phone, teenager can learn the value of a dollar by earning every single dollar.

Just make sure you keep a super-watchful eye on the kid once he gets that job. Not all jobs are friendly, and not all employers are good people.

DeathNoble wrote:No, no, no, no, no, no....... Teenagers with a cell phone is a great idea. A prepaid cell phone. Then you tell them its utterly useless until they make the money and they pump the thing full of life. Teenager wants to use cell phone, teenager can learn the value of a dollar by earning every single dollar.

Just make sure you keep a super-watchful eye on the kid once he gets that job. Not all jobs are friendly, and not all employers are good people.

This is the right answer. Once you run out of minutes, you have to buy more minutes, and if you talk too much, they run out fast, so you have to buy a lot.

That's how my parent's keep my sister in line.

I love pre paid cell phones Keeps Jack busy so he can have time on his phone. I make him earn his own money. If I dont have anything for him to do his dad is great at coming up with work.