The Energon Pub

[The Happy Locust]

*A wall of the building's foundation begins cracking. Moment's later, a figure bursts from the wall, collapsing in a pile of cracked concrete.*

Note to self: never take a nap in a cement mixer again.

*Maintenance workers see the damage, repair the wall, and leave. Unfortunately, as Locust was part of the building's original foundation, repairs have place him back in the concrete.*

ah crud...

I'm not surprised to see you back. I'm surprised to see the repair crew begin work so fast.

And so begins the new reality series: "Life in the crawlspace".

"And as we begin our journey, the first thing to notice is the sheer amount of corpses in these walls. Though rotted, they provide excellent sustenance when planning a trip to the 2nd floor. But first, we must hide quickly. The rats are on the march and they do not take kindly to outsiders".

*Locust puts on a mickey mouse costume and salutes the rat army. The rats are fooled and march right on by*

[Psycho Warrior]

And so begins the new reality series: "Life in the crawlspace".

"And as we begin our journey, the first thing to notice is the sheer amount of corpses in these walls. Though rotted, they provide excellent sustenance when planning a trip to the 2nd floor. But first, we must hide quickly. The rats are on the march and they do not take kindly to outsiders".

*Locust puts on a mickey mouse costume and salutes the rat army. The rats are fooled and march right on by*

It's like man vs wild. only, it's locust vs festering hell hole. We could film something like that at my place.

[The Happy Locust]

And so begins the new reality series: "Life in the crawlspace".

"And as we begin our journey, the first thing to notice is the sheer amount of corpses in these walls. Though rotted, they provide excellent sustenance when planning a trip to the 2nd floor. But first, we must hide quickly. The rats are on the march and they do not take kindly to outsiders".

*Locust puts on a mickey mouse costume and salutes the rat army. The rats are fooled and march right on by*

It's like man vs wild. only, it's locust vs festering hell hole. We could film something like that at my place.

And so begins day 3 of our quest for survival. Or maybe it's only day 2. I really can't tell after passing out due to being unable to find a bathroom for so long. Needless to say, that problem's been resolved but the basement is now uninhabitable.

*Locust spots a group of ragged survivors grouped in the walls*

I believe we've just come accross a secret tribe of Randies. these people are highly endangered. Contact with the outside world is forbidden for them. They are so easily frightened that even the smallest surprise can kill them. Because of this, they live in rigid routine.

*Locusts passes gas at a hilariously loud volume level. The entire tribe of Randies, shocked by the sudden noise, all drop dead.*

Though they may be dead, I've just acquired enough food to last me a week.

[Shadowman]

*Locusts passes gas at a hilariously loud volume level. The entire tribe of Randies, shocked by the sudden noise, all drop dead.*

Though they may be dead, I've just acquired enough food to last me a week.

Randy Burgers, a food so horrible even White Castle won't sell it.

[Psycho Warrior]

*Locusts passes gas at a hilariously loud volume level. The entire tribe of Randies, shocked by the sudden noise, all drop dead.*

Though they may be dead, I've just acquired enough food to last me a week.

Randy Burgers, a food so horrible even White Castle won't sell it.

Whoa... that's a little harsh man. I mean Arby's seemed interested since I offered to supply them with endless supply of 'meat'.

[Halo]

*Locusts passes gas at a hilariously loud volume level. The entire tribe of Randies, shocked by the sudden noise, all drop dead.*

Though they may be dead, I've just acquired enough food to last me a week.

Randy Burgers, a food so horrible even White Castle won't sell it.

Whoa... that's a little harsh man. I mean Arby's seemed interested since I offered to supply them with endless supply of 'meat'.

Well, I can't go to Arby's now.

[Psycho Warrior]

Whoa... that's a little harsh man. I mean Arby's seemed interested since I offered to supply them with endless supply of 'meat'.

Well, I can't go to Arby's now.

Don't worry, they haven't accepted my offer yet. The meat's ripening in the snow as we speak.

[The Happy Locust]

Day 8 in the crawlspace. The lack of sunlight would drive lesser men insane. But I, through years of video game playtime, have tempered by body to live without daylight for days at a time. Though I must say, the lack of bright blinking lights and loud sounds is having an even more detrimental effect. But still, I must be strong, for the dust bunnies have nearly developed sentience and could become a very dangerous foe.

[Halo]

Day 8 in the crawlspace. The lack of sunlight would drive lesser men insane. But I, through years of video game playtime, have tempered by body to live without daylight for days at a time. Though I must say, the lack of bright blinking lights and loud sounds is having an even more detrimental effect. But still, I must be strong, for the dust bunnies have nearly developed sentience and could become a very dangerous foe.

Uh-oh.

Although, I'm not sure who'd I rather have win: Locust or the Dust Bunnies.

[Psycho Warrior]

Day 8 in the crawlspace. The lack of sunlight would drive lesser men insane. But I, through years of video game playtime, have tempered by body to live without daylight for days at a time. Though I must say, the lack of bright blinking lights and loud sounds is having an even more detrimental effect. But still, I must be strong, for the dust bunnies have nearly developed sentience and could become a very dangerous foe.

I hope no one's gotten into that radioactive waste I stored in the crawlspace. I don't know when I got it but last time I checked it made that thing in the fridge start referring to itself as Frank. and the fridge is on the other side of the building and three floors up.

[Shadowman]

Day 8 in the crawlspace. The lack of sunlight would drive lesser men insane. But I, through years of video game playtime, have tempered by body to live without daylight for days at a time. Though I must say, the lack of bright blinking lights and loud sounds is having an even more detrimental effect. But still, I must be strong, for the dust bunnies have nearly developed sentience and could become a very dangerous foe.

I hope no one's gotten into that radioactive waste I stored in the crawlspace. I don't know when I got it but last time I checked it made that thing in the fridge start referring to itself as Frank. and the fridge is on the other side of the building and three floors up.

Wait, you stored your radioactive waste in the crawlspace? But...that's where I stored my tarantulas and tank of Candiru fish...

Oh, crap...

[Psycho Warrior]

Wait, you stored your radioactive waste in the crawlspace? But...that's where I stored my tarantulas and tank of Candiru fish...

Oh, crap...

Well, gives me enough cause to gouge on my surplus of iron underwear and novelty sized cans of bug spray. Remember folks, spider poison is people poison too.

[The Happy Locust]

Day 10 and the trek continues. Though I should be looking for an escape, I find myself fascinated by the sudden rise in Dustbunny intelligence. Unseen, I monitor their behaviors. Merely days ago they were simply clumps of dirt. But now they have developed stone tools. One even attempted to create forms of clothing, but this idea was immediately rejected by his free-balling clanmates. These creatures are surely far wiser than us.

[Psycho Warrior]

Day 10 and the trek continues. Though I should be looking for an escape, I find myself fascinated by the sudden rise in Dustbunny intelligence. Unseen, I monitor their behaviors. Merely days ago they were simply clumps of dirt. But now they have developed stone tools. One even attempted to create forms of clothing, but this idea was immediately rejected by his free-balling clanmates. These creatures are surely far wiser than us.

This will be second guessed when some of them become old/obese and no one wants to see that naked.

[The Happy Locust]

Day 10 and the trek continues. Though I should be looking for an escape, I find myself fascinated by the sudden rise in Dustbunny intelligence. Unseen, I monitor their behaviors. Merely days ago they were simply clumps of dirt. But now they have developed stone tools. One even attempted to create forms of clothing, but this idea was immediately rejected by his free-balling clanmates. These creatures are surely far wiser than us.

This will be second guessed when some of them become old/obese and no one wants to see that naked.

*Locust finds what appears to be an intercom in the crawlspace. By sheer coincidence, it's a direct link to PW's office.*

Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me. I've been trapped in the crawlspace for over a week and there's no way out.

And for the record, the joy of naked attractive dustbunnies is more than worth the discomfort of viewing the old/obese ones.

[Psycho Warrior]

Day 10 and the trek continues. Though I should be looking for an escape, I find myself fascinated by the sudden rise in Dustbunny intelligence. Unseen, I monitor their behaviors. Merely days ago they were simply clumps of dirt. But now they have developed stone tools. One even attempted to create forms of clothing, but this idea was immediately rejected by his free-balling clanmates. These creatures are surely far wiser than us.

This will be second guessed when some of them become old/obese and no one wants to see that naked.

*Locust finds what appears to be an intercom in the crawlspace. By sheer coincidence, it's a direct link to PW's office.*

Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me. I've been trapped in the crawlspace for over a week and there's no way out.

And for the record, the joy of naked attractive dustbunnies is more than worth the discomfort of viewing the old/obese ones.

so long as you don't start crossbreeding, I'm happy

[The Happy Locust]

so long as you don't start crossbreeding, I'm happy

I'm sorry. I can barely hear you. I'm trying to crossbreed the dustbunnies with the dustmites. And trust me, they get pretty loud. Who knew such disparate species could find love?

[Psycho Warrior]

so long as you don't start crossbreeding, I'm happy

I'm sorry. I can barely hear you. I'm trying to crossbreed the dustbunnies with the dustmites. And trust me, they get pretty loud. Who knew such disparate species could find love?

*PW uses his gore n' decker drill to bore a hole in the wall*

... I'm sorry what?

[Shadowman]

so long as you don't start crossbreeding, I'm happy

I'm sorry. I can barely hear you. I'm trying to crossbreed the dustbunnies with the dustmites. And trust me, they get pretty loud. Who knew such disparate species could find love?

*PW uses his gore n' decker drill to bore a hole in the wall*

... I'm sorry what?

The shipment of hydrochloric acid just arrived, and the indestructible funnels should be here soon. Is fifteen gallons okay, or should I place an order for more and we make due with what we have until that arrives? (Wednesday deliveries take forever)

[Exdominus]

*a random randy Explodes and I reappear* **** should not have fallen asleep in the randy cloner the other night!

No what is this about lovust being stuck in the crawl space?

TGime to activate the goon squad to recover him. TO THE LAB!!!!

Time to reactivate the randy 2.0 *hooks up to the control harness and releases a BIG pent up fart that brings them back online

Randy 2.0 13478: What the !@#$%^&* did he eat it smells like a dumpster in here

Randy 2.0 Shade 1: Hisssss (How the !@#$%^&* should I know)

Randy 2.0 13478: It smells like rotted garlic bake beans and old gym socks

Why thank you! Now my Randy 2.0 Go and get locust out of the crawl space and if youy get stuck too damn bad

[Psycho Warrior]

Someone forgot to clean the cloner's filters. Usually the randy's are identical and have all the personality as an extra in a tom cruise movie.

[Shadowman]

Someone forgot to clean the cloner's filters. Usually the randy's are identical and have all the personality as an extra in a tom cruise movie.

Then there's Arnold, high intelligence, but the trade-off being that he has frighteningly bad luck.

[Psycho Warrior]

Someone forgot to clean the cloner's filters. Usually the randy's are identical and have all the personality as an extra in a tom cruise movie.

Then there's Arnold, high intelligence, but the trade-off being that he has frighteningly bad luck.

bad luck to have bad luck and virtual immortality, yeah.

[The Happy Locust]

so long as you don't start crossbreeding, I'm happy

I'm sorry. I can barely hear you. I'm trying to crossbreed the dustbunnies with the dustmites. And trust me, they get pretty loud. Who knew such disparate species could find love?

*PW uses his gore n' decker drill to bore a hole in the wall*

... I'm sorry what?

an exit? I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

*Locust squeezes through the hole to freedom. *

I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

*Locust fails to notice his pants are currently still in the hole.*

Drafty. Even more so than before, I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

[Psycho Warrior]

an exit? I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

*Locust squeezes through the hole to freedom. *

I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

*Locust fails to notice his pants are currently still in the hole.*

Drafty. Even more so than before, I'M FREE! I'M FREE!

sadly the police have arrived to place you under arrest for public nudity, conspiring to commit public nudity, nudity without certification, and littering. Guess which is the worst offence.