by Shadowman » Thu May 03, 2007 3:33 pm
- Motto: "May God have mercy on my enemies, because I sure as hell won't."
Ooh, I didn't want to do this, but I guess writing it out would help.
I have serious rage control issues.Sixth grade in Elementary school, THAT was the peak of the problem, when, after being provoked by several "Counsellors," I ended up with my finger getting slammed in a door--Hard--and I was considered a "Danger to myself and others." Then, I was institutionalized for exactly a week, during which I was at one point pinned down by several "Counsellors," because I got mad, though selective amneisia doens't allow me to remember what.
I got out, and with a new set of Happy Pillz (I had a different kind before, but they didn't work). And for a time, it was good.
Freshman year in High School involved a lot of yelling, with everyone, though. I probably freaked Tha Tweezrrr out a little. (He saw me fighting someone out of pure rage, brought on by the little bitch bringing something up CONSTANTLY. I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it.)
Senior year is going smoothly, though I still get angry every so often.
My previous Happy Pillz (Risperdal, God bless whoever invented that), caused me to gain weight rapidly, to the point that I'm now about 250lbs and 5'10". And my family has a history of heart issues. And blood pressure problems. So, I switched to another set of Happy Pillz (Abilify) and I'm losing weight little by little.
But wait, there's more!
I feel like I'm being constantly watched. I don't know why, but when I go to take a shower, I feel like someone's there that I can't see.
Also, I haven't seen the girl I like in a few days, and when I last saw her, she looked quite depressed, and wouldn't answer when I called. I'm a little freaked out about that, especially since someone on the bus mentioned his friend passing out at lunch. I know the guy knows her, so that's creating a little bit of trouble.
Oh, and a girl has a crush on me. God must be stoned or something. One problem though: She's a Freshman, I'm a Senior, she's 15, I'm about to turn 18. Legally, I can't actually start a relationship with her. Maybe in a couple years, MAYBE.
Every time I have deja vu, I feel like something terrible is about to happen. Not much to say there, because nothing bad DOES happen.
And one more thing: Turning 18 scares the ever-loving **** out of me. The past 17 years have involved me getting food, clothes, shelter, internet, electricity, WHATEVER on my own. My parents won't FORCE me out, not right away, anyway. But the thought of having to hold a job, live by myself (For a while), pay bills and ****, have to pay for my own INTERNET. That freaks me out.
Huzzah for psychotherapy though writing.