Okay, final scores are in:
19843rd Place: Megatron (8 points)Popular character, slightly sad robot mode. But on the plus side, if you carried him around today you could shoot or get shot by a cop, so there's that. Maybe you could even rob a bank!
2nd Place: Optimus Prime (24 points)Fun fact, Optimus Prime is named after Emperor Optimus, the emperor who infamously forced the Romans to cut Italy into the shape of a boot.
1st Place: Soundwave (33 points)And so here is the winner, Soundwave! Proof that you don't need knees to be popular, which is good news for all those old Kenner Star Wars figures goosestepping their way across the galaxy.
Pure toy gold, apparently.
So Soundwave is proof that Hasbro was tripping so much money in the eighties that even now every bank note you handle has been rubbed on a Skywarp at least once. It didn't matter if everyone else turned into cars and planes, throw in a micro-cassette player too! And make him a bad guy, because nothing's scarier than a dictaphone with a gun!
It's hard to argue that he's a great toy. He can turn his neck and move his arms at the elbow and the shoulder which is more than a lot of G1 figures or, judging by current obesity statistics, most Americans. Also you press a button on him and a thing springs open! That's pure catnip to guys. The only reason more men don't take up knitting is that the needles don't retract and extend at the flick of a switch. Also, bafflingly enough, his guns fold up and go into his battery slot which is great! But the key thing is that you can store tapes in his chests that become tiny animals or robots. What they do to occupy themselves while they're stuck in his chest isn't clear.
Perhaps the strangest part is that Soundwave's face seems to be the base for the Decepticon logo which, behind the scenes, suggests that he was originally intended to be the Decepticon leader and, in front of the scenes suggests that Megatron was just trying to annoy Starscream.
Starscream: Obviously it should be MY FACE as the logo.
Megatron: Um...no. It's gonna be...(looks around)...that guy.
It could have been worse, Megatron could've picked Shockwave:
Megatron: Here's the Decepticon logo!
Skywarp: Is that a rupee?
Megatron: What?
Thundercracker: I'm gonna buy a Triforce!
So Soundwave is so popular he's getting a Masterpiece figure soon. Maybe this one will even have knees!
1985So 1984 was a landslide, though not really in the direction I suggested, just like a real landslide. I suck at directing landslides, this is the worst superpower. Anyway, 1985 is a little harder to predict. Hasbro basically sucked every transforming robot they could find into their gaping jaw like some kind of giant, testicled combined robot thing (what a daft idea). For example we have the Dinobots: Grimlock, Sludge, Slag, Sleepy and Snooki. Also we have the Constructicons (yes, Devy counts as one figure for this vote), the Triple Changers, a whole bunch of Double Changers. The Deluxe Insecticons, the Not-So-Deluxe Insecticons, Omega Supreme, Jetfire, Shockwave, Blaster and and (pfft) the Jumpstarters.
Let the votes for 1985...begin!