The Energon Pub

Swindle Come and get your machiinery here, all completely legit. Yeah, everything legit , i even got a certificate to prove it.

Starscream: Let's go blow up the autobots!

Megatron: No, Starscream, violence is never the answer.

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Any Transformer: "Remember, kids: Action figures are for babies!"

Hot Rod: Wow, Kup, I didn't know. I thought you weren't a day over 25.

Blurr: Oh my God, i'm so tired, I'm just gonna take a rest.

Animated Ratchet: *pulls rod from tailpipe* Sari, come here! I love ya, little human.

Soundwave: Colons just aren't fun anymore. I'm moving now to hyphens.

Movie Prime: Hang on, I'll be done transforming in an hour.

Movie Jazz: Sorry humans, I won't call you litle bitchez anymore.

Animated Blitzwing: I want to only have one mood, but which one...*whoosh* Whee, pick mee *whoosh* No, me, you puny infantile *whoosh* I daresay, you shall pick me instead.

Hey, Jazz, you look so cute in your new car bra, wherever did you get it? I want one soooo bad.

Predaking: "All you need is love."

BW Ravage: "I'm a pretty kitty."

Rattrap: "They may take our lives, but they will never take ___ Our Freedom!!!"

Galvatron (to Rodimus): "Live long and prosper."

Cheetor: (After all the events of Beast Machines) Tigertron would have a field day...

*****

Abominus: (Looking glum) I just found out what my name really means. It mean's 'ugly', like I'm a monster! I hate my name!

Erector:

*****

Ramjet: (Looking at his description) The hell? I like to fly into targets? You ever see a jet fly into something? It aint pretty. Why the hell would I do it! This aint one of those 'Does What It Says On The Tin' things! If you fly a jet into an object BAD **** HAPPENS!

*****

Blaster: Yo yo! Listen up, Autobuddy's, it's Blaster comin' atcha with a whole hour of the very best Cliff Richard!

*****

Michael Bay: STOP BLOWING STUFF UP!!!

*****

Blackout: (Having destroyed SOCCENT Air Base. He sits down with a small band on wounded soldiers) Okay, let's look at this, shall we? I was merrily minding my own business, flying over the desert, having a wail of a time, and then I get these two jerks come by and pull me into your base here, okay? Well that wasn't so bad. So I come along to your base, I mean you guys seem nice. And the moment I land I'm surround by you ****s armed with machine guns and rifles and ****!! Now you gotta understand that can unnerve some one, and when I go to transform you totally start ripping into me!! So can you ****ing blame me for going postal? I knew I shoulda stayed at home today!

*****

Prime: Prowl! Tracks! Gears! I need you for a mission! Prowl, I want you to head to these co-ordinates and secure the position, Tracks I-- Tracks, are you wearing lipstick?

*****

Ravage: ITS CATURDAY. I DEMAND ATTENTION!

*****

Laserbeak: ITS BIRDSDAY. I DEMAND A CRACKER!

*****

Hot Rod: Magnus! The Decepticons are advancing on the city!

Ultra Magnus: I can't deal with that now!

Perceptor: Ultra Magnus! Metroplex's transforming cog has been destroyed!

Ultra Magnus: I can't deal with that now!

Springer: Ultra Magnus! Prime's down and the Decepticons are retreating!

Ultra Magnus: I can't deal with that now!

Kup: Exactly why is it you can't deal with anything right now?

Ultra Magnus: M'watchin Matlock.

*****

Galvatron: (Defenseless, on his knees) Please, Rodimus Prime! Grant me mercy, I beg of you!

Rodimus: You, who are without mercy, now plead for it? I thought you were made of sterner stuff!

(Galvatron reaches for a blaster pistol, but is pounced on by Springer)

Rodimus: Aw no! You aint gonna catch me out this time! (He opens fire wildly killing both Galvatron and Springer)

*****

(The Autobots race into the Ark with Spike on a stretcher)

Bumblebee: We gotta do something!

Optimus: Ratchet!

Ratchet: Yes, Sir?

Optimus: You need to begin work on Spike immediately, he's injured badly!

Ratchet: I can't operate on him!

Bumblebee: Why the heck not?

Ratchet: I can't work on humans!

Bumblebee: Why not? You're a doctor, aren't you!

Ratchet: Yeah. I'm a doctor, not a--...

*****

(Movie) Megatron: (Holding the AllSpark aloft) Ahahahaa!! It is mine! The power of the AllSpark is finally mi-- (He drops the Allspark) Oh no!! Where did it go?!

Starscream: I think it fell into your torso!

Megatron: Oh slag! Where? Can you see it?

Barricade: I can't see anything, it must be lodged in between all those random shards of metal that make up your chest.

Megatron: Aw no! Oh wait, I think it went into my shoulder!

Blackout: How do you know that?

Megatron: Because I can't move my arm! It must be jamming the joint!

Barricade: How are we gonna get it out of there?

Blackout: We'll have to cut it out.

Starscream: Sounds good to me! Step back everybody!

Megatron: You lay so much as a servo on me and I'll tear you in half.

*****

Lalala, I should be getting on with school work...

Dirge- Death comes to he who calls me a cone head. I have feelings I hate being called a conehead no one calls powerglide a cone head so go and burn.

RID Ultra magnus - you can keep the matrix optimus I don't want it.

Silverbolt to blackarachnia - yoh babe you is hot.

Wildrider - (gets out of some rubble) Have you been injured in an accident that wasn't your fault, if so then call this number for a qoute in minutes.

G1 Starscream: Megatron, which do you like better my French Maid outfit or the Cheerleader outfit?

Side-Burn: Oh, Man! you know i can't resist a red sportscar! Look at those Sweet Bumpers!
Cliffjumper: Why Thank you!

Beachcomber- Wow! Earth sucks!

Wreck gar- I wonder whats on the radio.

Kim and Aggy walk onto junkion and there heads explode.

Dirge has some prisoners from Quinntessa to interogate.They are obvioulsy nervous.

He walks jauntily in and says so, whos for a bit of the Suger Flowers Fairies new song, Happy Flowers Dancing?

Prisoners, eh, what, it must be some kind of bluff and hes going to use the hyper electro device on us.

He goes about being nice and thorourly happy.

After a while. The prisoners say, so your not going to torture us then?
No!
After a while the happy tunes and sugery words get to them and they start telling secrets.
After the guards take them out for questioning the Head Guard says
Dirge, that was some very clever acting.But very cruel.I prefered the usuel torture etc.Less painfull to watch.
What acting?
I feel happy happy super suger happy!
The Guard goes out shuddering.
Wheelie who has been put on observation comes out screaming
make it stop, make it stop!
Wheelie going to listen to Death metal
or Wheelie is going to go screaming mental!

The music/film/book collections are being talked about

Dirge says
these are some favourites,
Doom, Miserable poems to cheer you up in preppy land
Nine Inch Nails
The Death Claws,Doom and the Macabre

Ramjet says
So thats when you really want something heavy and dark then?
No its my lightweight collection
Do you want to listen to my super heavy dark collection?
No thanks.

Wheelie, I will if you will listen to my new album!
Err, no thanks.

Blaster so Blurr what are your favourite songs
I bet you like speed metal and fast and loud stuff
Some Enter Shikari perhaps?
NoIBroughtSomeAmbientChillOutMusic

Beachcomber : "Ya know Jazz, when I first arrived here on Earth, I thought their machines were the top species and so I found myself hungry one day, and I tried a little human... not bad at all, but the brains gave me a static surge in my rectifiers!"

Jazz : "That's wrong, Beachcomber. You don't eat the humans. You just spread their legs apart and pick off the little twig-like things between the males and snap 'em right off. That's the only edible part anyway. No wonder you had static surges. Just snap those twig things and leave the females the hell alone, turkey!"

Wheelie : "I like turkey, it makes great Jerky!"

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Arcee : "Optimus, forgive me. I am afraid that while Springer was away on his 2 week vacation, I kind of found myself um, you know, with child."

Prime : "Who did this to you, Arcee? Tell me now!"

Arcee : "Well thats the difficult thing, sir. You see... while you were in stasis the other night... um..."

Prime : "Bitch, leave me. Please"

Depth Charge: F**k colony omicron!

Megatron: Finally my registration for Botcon! It says everyone with a blue paper can pick up their Shattered Glass Set between 8-10p.m. HA! HA! excellent! Oh God i hope Prime did'nt get a blue sheet! Prime: Finally my registration for Botcon! It says everyone with a blue paper can pick up their Shattered Glass Set between 8-10p.m. By Primus! Excellent! Oh God i hope Megatron did'nt get a blue sheet! One month later at Botcon hundreds of attendees are seriously wounded when Megatron and Prime have an all out battle that rages for hours when the Shattered Glass Sets unexpectedly run out after Prime recieves the last one and Megatron blows a fuse!

here's one for ya:

"Megatron returns as galvatron from unicron"

Rumble: Megatron?!

Soundwave: Megatron?!

Astrotrain: Megatron?!

Starscream: Rainbows and stickers and ponies and myspace.com

Galvatron:

prime: hooray for bandai

Megatron:Hurray for mattel

Optimus Prime: Transform and roll out... TO MCDONALDS!

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Optimus Prime: One shall stand... One shall fall, and take a nap... One shall sit in my freaking way and get me killed.

------

and now for something completly different...

Astrotrain: Throw out your dead! Throw out your dead!

Megatron: I still function.

Starscream: No you don't. He's dead I sware.

Soundwave: He says he's still alive, you can't toss him out of Astrotrain like that.

Starscream: He'll be dead soon, can I toss him out them?

Megatron: I'm fine, nothing some spam can't fix.

Starscream: Listen to that, he's dilerious, robots don't eat spam. He's done for.

All Decepticons: spam Spam SPam SPAm SPAM, SPAM SPA SPAM...

Astrotrain: Stop that! I don't like spam!

Soundwave: Oh right then toss him out.

and now for something COMPLETLY different.

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Blackarachnia: Elita-One is dead, it's Arachnia now, Blackarachnia.

Cast of Transformers Animated (singing): Swing your webs high Arachnia, swing them to the sky...

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Blackarachnia (Any version): Does this alt mode make my butt look big?

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Megatron: I'm so glad Starscream is too stupid to ever try and kill me while I'm in my alt mode. (Starscream stairs at Megatron with an evil grin) Did I just say that out loud?

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Optimus Prime (Armada): I have an announcment to make. I've desided there are far too many of you to remember your names so for now on I will be calling everyone Leader-1.

Hot Shot: Won't that be confusing?

Optimus Prime: No not at all, I know who I'm talking to.

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Optimus Prime (Energon): These new limbs are great, they really make me look thiner, thanks for the upgrade.

Hot Shot: Why don't you just go on a diet? You look like a Megazord.

Jason (Red Ranger): Damn it, I knew someone in another cartoon was stealing our designs.

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Ironhide: Optimus sir a straige alien vessel is hailing us.

Optimus Prime: Open hailing frequencies.

Kirk: Greetings, I am Captain James T. Kirk of the Star Fleet Enterprise and we seem to be in some weird unlikely crossover.

Optimus Prime: Of course, the Decepticons must be behind this evil plot.

Kirk: I was going to say the Klingons but your plan works too.

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Wheelie: Orange... ... ... ... ... *Exsplode*

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Starscream: I am your new... DISCO KING! Check out my sweet moves!

Galvatron: Disco's dead and so are you Starscream!

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Grimlock: Me Grimlock see little dashes between segments of dialog.

Saber Prime: Grimlock, you idiot, I told you not to break the 4th wall!

Grimlock: Me Grimlock like breaking stuff.

Saber Prime: I'm never working with Dinobots again.

On another note, I'm fairly sure Mr. Insaino AKA Blitzwing will end up saying alot of this stuff we said a Transformer would never say. He did randomly break out into song after all, after that, he can say just about anything.

Optimus prime - your right leader 1 gobots are better than transformers.

Blurr (Armada) - Help i've got a minicon stuck up my arse.

Optimus prime - Trax come over here, No-one answers where is trax.
Prowl didn't you know he's had an up grade, know he's a fembot called trix.
Optimus prime- WTF why don't people tell me these things?.

Lugnut- Megatron isn't soo great.
Inferno- Nah.
Scorponok- Lets become Goodies and follow Optimus!
Lugnut- How 'bout we overthrow Megatron?
Inferno- YEAH! The Ponce won't know what hit him!
Starscream- Traitors! I will report you to our brilliant cuddly leader!
Terrorsaur- How could they dream of it eh?

G1 Red Alert:Everythings fine.

Jazz or Blaster: Guitar Hero sucks.

BW Rampage:I'm sorry for everything

G1 Blurr:Hey! Slow down, I can't keep up!

NiteStar wrote:Tranformers 2 (2009) Soundwave is a Apple Laptop Computer.


Megatron: Soundwave, Report!
Soundwave: I have aquired the Data youve so asked for. It has a weblink with information to the remainder of the Allspark.{Transforms}
Megatron: (proceeds online)Dammit Soundwave I cant logon there's no signal!
Starscream: What do we do now?
Megatron: F*ck! uhhh.....Is there a Starbucks around here? Perhaps we can get a signal there.
Starscream: Good idea all Mighty Megatron. Can I get a Frappachino while were there? Its awfully Hot on this Planet.
Soundwave: (speaks in laptop mode) Me too. I must refuel as well. I'll have a double Machiatto.
Megatron: We are NOT here to Frolic! But a Raspberry Lemonade Ice Tea does sound good. Alright lets go.
Soundwave: You do know They charge for a signal?
Meagtron: Huhh.....Sh*t! Starscream where is that visa card I gave you.
Starscream: I dont have the Visa card. I thought Soundwave had it.
Soundwave: I gave it you.
Starscream: No you didnt!
Soundwave: yes I did.
Starscream/Soundwave: Why, I , You,(bickering)
Megatron:Silence! We'll just shoot the place up and demand free drinks and signal! Now lets go , I really want that ice tea now.

Just plain brilliant. seriously! I lmao! Next Waspinator will be queuing at injury lawyers 4 u or something wittier and funnier above my comedy levels.

Any Transformer: I respect that, Wheelie.