The glaring heat of the studio lights blazed down upon the WPNN prime-time team.
Keeping the Heavy Metal War combatants on both sides up to date on important events was a vital role, and none took it more seriously than the news anchor team of Parasite and Zombi Cheerleader, co-lynchpins of the WarPorn News Network. Its all fembot team proving that anybody will believe anything they’re told as long as a hot female robot was delivering it.
That’s not to say it was always easy - Zombi was notoriously diva-like in her demands for bottled energon that had to come from a very specific oil refinery in Scotland, and Parasites habit of enthralling and draining all the studio guests of their life fluids and then enslaving them as her ghoulish servants for all eternity had caused a few... ‘issues’, but today was an altogether different type of disaster.
Zombi had lost her mind. Literally.
When Zombi was brought online and added to the team, the ‘interactive’ automaton picked up on eBay lacked a few significant body parts, but these were all soon replaced and she was quickly remodeled into a sleek and sexy fighting machine. All that is, apart from the head. Her neural pathways long destroyed, the robot was effectively ‘dead’ and so a brand new control unit was going to be needed, and for that a team was dispatched to earth to intercept and collect a perfect candidate for the Headmaster process; a Z-list reality-TV star called Kara Bondy who was facing the chair after a prosecco and amphetamine- fuelled rampage left a TV studio destroyed, 3 media executives dead, at least 2 researchers in therapy and a full network apology addressed to ‘wherever the Osbourne's were in hiding’. The mission wasn't exactly a success... to quote Nemesis Wheelie’s brief (and utterly useless) mission report:
”Wheelie thought it would be a stitch,
but couldn’t find her so brought this *****.
I figured it was close enough,
I’ll warn you though, she likes it rough…”
It turns out that even the most intelligent Cybertronians often can’t tell the difference between the vast majority of humans, so Wheelie had no chance. The unconscious female eventually brought back was incorrectly identified as Kara right up until the headmaster process was complete. The newly animated WPNN TV co-anchor and bunny-warrior Kelly Bundy however, a 19 year old cheerleader dropout who had been living on daddy’s money for her entire life, began by smashing up Mal Practice’s lab because she didn't transform into this years model Audi TT and her most recent ex-boyfriend had a new girlfriend on account of her being dead, which she still maintains is a “lame excuse and she cant even”. She did however appreciate the flexibility her new form gave her and had always wanted to be famous so eventually relented, but not before the team had to make some major changes to the facilities interior design and give her the admin password for the wifi network so she could still watch 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo'.
What none of the WPIndustrialists had expected though is just how brutal she would be in battle. There is an Earth phrase Psychout had heard in his travels there; ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ and if that woman was attached to a 30 tonne robot, telling her that her aft looks big in her Rabbit altmode ended in a tantrum so violent that not even stasis-lock could end the battle, as often an indignant Ms. Bundy would detach from the battered housing of her ‘Bunnytron’ and proceed to take an axe to the knees of her victorious opponent. Psychout, who finally had a team member even shorter than he was, greatly approved.
It would appear that today was the day for another one of her infamous tantrums, as she had fortified herself within her unicorn-themed CR chamber in a panda onesie complaining that Nemesis Wheelie haspilt her pumpkin spice latte and she still can't even.
This left the news team with a conundrum. What use was a Headmaster without a head?
[ Click to attempt signal recovery... ]
