Captions by snavej

Much like Mr. Spock (Star Trek), all the natives on this planet had experienced unfortunate accidents with spaghetti picking machines that made their ears pointy.

Preparing to pulverise the Special Olympics...

[He's wearing the number 34] Rule 34: there's a porn version of everything!

It was a great insult to some. He was beaten to death by drunken Mexicans.

[Thinks of the wanking possibilities...]

'Reflector, stop taking pictures from the wrong angles! You've been warned before.'

Arcee: NO ONE SPIT IN THERE! MINDLESS CHODES!!!

He was so shocked at being mistaken for a transsexual that he died.

'So we're agreed: no more diversity hires! If they'd monitored the shuttle properly, this wouldn't have happened.'

Ultra Magnus: Daniel, we just read Skybound #6. We'd like you to climb inside the Matrix.

Omega was angry because Metroplex always claimed to be bigger than him.

The permanent glass visor made vaping impossible.

At that very moment, after holding it in for a long time, they all farted in unison.

Perceptor: I could rebuild him, using the mind of Alexa.

Ultra Magnus: No, Siri or nothing!

He watched an episode of Thundercats, with the superior animation. He died of jealousy.

Hot Rod: So the whole thing was driven by two rats running in wheels that were attached to generators!

Perceptor: That's what you get, living in a cartoon.

Breakdown fails the gay test.

Perceptor: Everyone grab a slice now before he goes off.

[Hot Rod uses his circular saw to cut slices.]

Kup: If we stick a pair of those cheap plastic 'googly eyes' on him, he'll look a bit more alive.

Everyone Else: [Stares at him in disgust]

[Pause]

[Arcee goes to find googly eyes.]

Prime prepares to time travel back to the 1920s for a sensational new appearance in a Buster Keaton flick.

Hot Rod: So much death...

Arcee: Prime's gone but hope's not lost.

Hot Rod: No, I mean some of the boards on Seibertron.com have no users left! The horror, the horror!

[Much wailing and gnashing of metal teeth.]

Blurr: Weshoulddoasponsoredfunraceinhishonour!

Arcee: Shut the hell up, you speed-obsessed git!

Hot Rod: You can't die! You have to appear in Earthspark, fighting alongside Megatron!

Prime: Groan! Just let me lie here for five more minutes!

Later, Optimus was rebooted as Kid Traumatiser 3000. It was a refreshing change of pace.

Hot Rod: He's greyed out. What now?

Perceptor: This is a work machine. We should contact IT but they're on leave.

Magnus: Wait, this is 1985!

Kup: We can fix him with chewing gum, rubber bands and panty hose!

Waiting for the next caption picture that never comes.

Perceptor: It's too late!

Blurr: OhnohegotCANCELLED!

Hot Rod: By the wokies!

Kup: Those turbo-grabbing punks couldn't stand his 'Freedom' mantra.

Arcee: We need to kill EVERYONE with coloured hair, especially blue hair.

Hot Rod: Sorry Optimus but the paint shop totally ran out of every colour except luminous green.

Optimus: Oh crap, might as well just die then. [Dies]

Perceptor: Shit.

Blur: Shit.

Hot Rod: Shit.

Arcee: Shit.

Kup: Shit.

Daniel: Shit.

Ultra Magnus: Language, all of you!

[Arcee kicks him.]

Ultra Magnus: Shit!

Arcee: I can't believe that so many sick ****s are making fun of us!

Daniel: I'd better be getting a super-long vacation after all this shit's over!

Kup: I'll get you into Disneyland. They'll boost your spirits and also woke the heck out of you!

Half of Reddit went members-only in 2023. Prime couldn't handle it and died.

Ultra Magnus: Hot Rod, you were supposed to wind him up at the back EVERY morning, not just when you felt like it!

Hot Rod: My bad, sorry.

Blurr: Don'tforgetIneeddoublewindingbecauseI'mfast!

Perceptor: There's a 70% discount at Dr. Tires Store.

Prime [wakes up]: Oh really?

Perceptor: I knew that would work.

Prime: I also like a crossover with the Big Bang Theory franchise! Dr. Tires is run by Sheldon Cooper's brother George.

Magnus: You know, maybe we should give up this whole Autobot business and go live on an island or something?

Daniel: You effing useless brick! I want revenge!

They decided to 'do a She Hulk' and go talk to the writers' room about all this. Breaking the fourth wall is darned cool!

Hot Rod: My mother's going to kill me!

[Stunned silence from the others.]

Perceptor: So we're all deeply aggrieved. Let's go on Reddit and really b1tch about it!

All the other dead Autobots were thrown in the bin and forgotten.

Hot Rod: What did he mean, 'You're going to fight Sharticons'? That sounds disgusting!

Kup: Death-bed visions can be confusing, lad.

Later, Arcee stole the smoke stacks and carried on 'using' them, as she'd done secretly for a very long time. Nothing satisfies like big, shiny smoke stacks!

They wanted to reboot him but Microsoft had somehow greyed him out, so they couldn't click on anything.

They decided to use the body as a memorial to all the fallen companies and careers that were somehow connected to Transformers.

Hot Rod: So, the funeral will be delayed because we have to go and fight some bozoes called 'Sharkticons'.

Perceptor: Typical! And they coloured my left arm wrongly in scene 47 too!

Old Kup called first dibs on his spare parts.

They waited until Thursday and then gave him to the scrap metal dealer, who toured the area in a van every week.

Ultra Magnus: Hot Rod, I have NEVER f**ked a pig!

Since he was known for his magic tricks, they waited too long. The ambulance arrived 37 minutes later.

Someone had switched the Matrix for a rotisserie chicken that revolved slowly and steadily in Prime's chest oven.

He dared to insult Elon Musk, the new owner of Twitter. He paid the price.