HMW Tournament:The Silent Night - 22nd Dec to 2nd Jan

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

- Good evening. I'm a Cheerleading Zombie femcon, go figure.

- And I'm the most irritating robot on the planet. Except maybe for Carganous. And most of Phaze's team really, but I'm at least in the top 10.

- Tonight we'll be talking about rummaging around in the heads of your enemies; do you really want to know what goes on in there? WarPorn is not a organisation that would recklessly attempt to use a brand new technology without any kind of proper testing... oh, wait, Yes it is, but we decided that we'd forcibly attach one of these neural scanners that we stole from Starscream to one of our team and see just what happened. Here is Mal Practice with a full report:

Well, it was quite a simple procedure really. We took one of the teams loyal minions - in this case our resident savage Hard Wired, bludgeoned him into unconsciousness and hooked his limited brain up to the 550" Plasma screen TV on the far wall. *here we go, ah...* So, as you can see the results are quite-

What the??!

<<<'HARD WIRED' MEMORY RELAY UPLINK COMPLETE>>>
<<<MEMORY STORAGE FOR 3 DECACYCLES RETRIEVED>>>

<<<END OF MEMORY FILES>>>

Ah... ahem.

Um, back to the studio..?

- Well, who didn't see that coming? So the moral here wait, we have morals now? is to always be careful when you are rummaging around inside another mechs head, you may not like what you see.

- Quite, Wheelie, remind me never to use those things on you. In today's other big news, reinforcements finally began to arrive in the beleaguered region of Decahex where fighting has already intensified. Initial (and by initial we mean invented) reports currently state that its still at a stalemate, and the mine remains closed to all visitors, including press. The Autobots reinforced accident investigation team is slowly making its way towards the explosion site, but the Deceptions -who really couldn't care less who blew up the mine as long as they get to steal all the energon and kill the Autobots whilst they are at it - are doing all they can to stop the fun.

- It may be some time before we can actually be sure who has the upper hand, but the one thing we can be sure of is that these neural scanner upgrades are adding an extra dimension to this battle that definitely brings a bit of excitement back to this war.

- Excitement until they try look at the inside of Soundwaves head, that'll be like listening to Aphex Twin played backwards...*shudder* NO ONE wants to see that.

The war had really just begun and while most of Cybertron was engulfed in it, there were a few pockets which the war hadn't touched. The bar was one of them. And the barkeep ... tough as nails, both sides wanted him and tried to recruit him many times. But he stayed neutral. He understood both sides but also knew what was going to happen to Cybertron. So he stayed neutral, and made sure that everyone knew that as soon as you stepped into his bar, differences were put aside.

The bar had it's regulars, and I know for those of us Autobots who were there on a regular basis, we were always hearing about "dereliction of duty" from our superiors. I can only imagine how hard it was for the 'Cons.

There was one time, this new kid walked in, bit of a hot head, very cocky. Had heard all about "the bar where the war doesn't exist" and thought he could throw his weight around.

We had our share of idiots though, thought they could find themselves some easy targets.

As soon as he pulled his gun out, the barkeep was on him. Never seen a bot so old move so fast. One minute the kid was reaching for his gun, the next he was strung up against the wall and being made an example of.

There were no easy targets, the barkeep made sure of that. Those that tried to cause trouble, well the barkeep made short work of them.

For the most part though, the place was neutral, we drank, we set aside our differences.

That barkeep, we should have put him in charge of the damn planet. Would have sorted everyone out.

Of course, good things don’t last forever.

Should have put him in charge … but of course, the war had a habit of consuming everything.

There were two Commanders from either side. Use to be good friends before the war, but when the war began they found themselves on opposing sides. The war quickly twisted their friendship into hatred.

Us Autobots may have believed we were fighting to preserve what was so great about our society, but there was always going to be some who fought for their own reasons. One bot in particular, well he just signed up because he just hated some other bot.

No one knows who really fired first. All we know is that their hatred reached a point both were blinded. So they ordered their forces to attack. They knew where they were, that one small pocket of Cybertron that had been kept from the war, they knew … but they ordered their forces anyway.

I know a number of us opposed the order, and from what I heard, there were a few ‘Cons as well. Those of us who resisted were left with no choice but to join in just to save our own comrades, that’s how vicious the battle was. Both sides were able to withdraw … but it didn’t matter, the damage had been done.

We pulled back, but it didn’t matter. The bar was destroyed.

Once we’d fallen back to a safe distance, we were without a Commander. So a few us headed back in. And that’s when we found him.

We’d pulled back, but our idiot Commander and his former friend had found each other on the battlefield, blinded by their hatred they had kept fighting even after their troops had withdrawn.

He was laying there, no light in his optics. The barkeep. We were all so shocked we didn’t even realise we’d been surrounded by Decepticons.

We found them … they had fought each other to the death. But we didn’t care, we saw him. The barkeep. Or rather the Autobots had found him first. Initially we saw this as an opportunity to finish them off.

Figured we were done for. But then something strange happened.

This happened because of two Commanders, blinded by their hatred for each other. This place had been neutral, he had been neutral, but their hatred had destroyed the place and him.

They joined us. They helped us carry him from the ruins. And even though the bar was destroyed, what it represented still stood. And for a while, the war stopped. Autobots and Decepticons, we gathered together, we put aside the fighting, we put aside our differences.

That day on the battlefield, a part of Cybertron was destroyed, but we could keep a part of it alive. It was on that day that Autobots and Decepticons put aside their differences and came together, as we had done in the past, and we remembered the barkeep.

Some how some of the bar’s energon supply had survived, so we all sat there. Drinking, remembering the good times.

It was the first time since the war began that both sides had set aside their differences. We drank, we even played a few games. It’s almost as if the war had never happened.

But the good times were a thing of the past. We were at war, and this truce couldn’t last forever.

Eventually word came down from both Autobot and Decepticon Command to withdraw. We were ordered back to the war.

The orders came through. Return to Command for redeployment.

Right there on the battlefield, the remains of the bar, we laid the barkeep to rest. And we shook hands. It would have been easy to resume fighting at that point but instead both sides departed peacefully.

We remembered, we honoured the barkeep, and we honoured his bar. The fighting had ceased and both sides returned to their command posts.

On my next deployment I saw some of the ‘Cons from the bar, but our differences could no longer be set aside. We fought, and any chance of friendship died along with the barkeep.

Over time some of us who were at the bar on that day encountered each other. Only a few of us from that day still function.

And that kid, is the story of Ypres Salient, and how one bar’s destruction brought a temporary truce to Cybertron.

But we will remember him.

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

NEWSFLASH!!


And we can't get a chair that's any bloody higher?! A cushion even? Bah, Someone is going to get fired for this!!

Good evening Minions. I am Psychout, member of the Cybertronian Senate and WarPorn Industries Head Entrepreneur. I appear before you personally today to bring you what can only be described as terrible news.

For most caught up in the ongoing civil war, there has only ever been a single point of safety. A beacon of peace amongst all the violence and a place where, above all else, neutrality was upheld and those who would normally be on opposite sides of the war could sit together, reflect on their lives and take a break before they are forced back into the endless, profitable, conflict.

At approximately 11:45 cycles last night, a megaton fusion device was detonated as part of a skirmish on the outskirts of a well known district which, due to an extremely hostile vendetta between two opposing commanders caused a catastrophic chain of events that led to the destruction of the bar, killing its famous bartender instantly.

It is currently unknown exactly which commander is to blame for this unspeakable act as both were also killed in the blast, but as eye witnesses stood in silent horror at what had been done, we at WPNN now stand with the whole planet in mourning for what was the last outpost of peace on Cybertron.

This incident, coming on a special holiday dedicated to peace that the fleshlings call ‘Christmas’ has given both sides a reason for thought, and the field command on both sides of the war have suspended all military activity for a megacycle to reflect on exactly what this means for the Cybertronian race – not just on the loss of any friends and allies who were enjoying its hospitality at the time, but also knowing that there is now no escape from this war, not even for half an hour to sink a nice cold one.

We would like you all to join us in a toast to the unnamed Bar and Barkeep, the last harbingers of peace, and hope that wherever his spark has gone, the Bartender of Tranquillity will be at rest.

And as both sides lay down their arms and the planet falls silent for the first time in most mech’s living memory, even if it is for just one night, we ask you to remember that Bar and it’s brave keeper, who fought for his right to neutrality until death.

Stubborn old bastard. Guess I don't have to pay off my bartab now, silver lining and all that...

A merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight.

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

Tonight with your favourite co-hosts, Nemesis Wheelie and Zombi Cheerleader...

- Good evening Minions, and the breaking news of the day is the resumption of the hostilities planetwide leading to what many expect to be a further increase in violence, general mayhem and other kinds of fun.

- Thats right Zombi: footage from the ruined city, Decahex districts looking sh-

- ...footage appears to show that, due to what we like to refer to as a 'spilled pint scenario', the previously peaceful region has continued its descent into violence and bloodshed. Our man at the scene, Evil the Car brings us this report...

...that idiot cassette that if I wanted a trailer that small, I'd be a prime clone- *ahem* Eye witness reports at the scene vary, but initial accounts state that running skirmishes have broken out all along the Proton highway between the more idealistic and junior members of the Autobot and Decepticon forces. Damage is still contained so far, but should be spreading into the more densely populated areas as soon as possible. Local law enforcement are warning trapped civilians that they should probably get their affairs in order and make funeral plans sooner rather than later as its kicking off good and proper here and now the faction army generals are involved, this entire region is pretty much fu-

- ...Evil the Car ladies and gentlemen.

- Meanwhile in business news, the increase in factionwide hostilities has seen a growth in the commodities exchange mainly in the regions of weapons development, funeral arrangements and fortified energon dependency. WarPorn Industries stocks blasted through the roof as a result, so we contacted its its founder, exalted leader and CEO, Senator Psychout, for comment and his office sent us this statement in reply: "Tell those idiots to leave me the *bleep* alone, this energon won't swim in itself you know!"

- Classy as always. Well, that's all for tonight, the weather report, as always, has been cancelled due to all the satellites being shot out of the sky by the Autobots, but as temperature is irrelevant to a robotic race, who cares, right? This is WarPorn News Network - making a profit out of a crisis - signing off for tonight-

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

making a profit out of a crisis.

Tonight with your emergency co-hosts, Parasite and Hard Wired!

- Good evening my dears, I... am Parasite.

- AND I’M HARD WIRED, AND WE BRING YOU SPECIAL MESSAGE TODAY WHILST TRY AND WORK OUT WHERE IN PIT WHEELIE AND ZOMBI HAVE DISAPPEARED TO. PERSONALLY? I SAY GOOD RIDDANCE TO PAIR OF THEM!

- No one cares about your opinion, bulbus. Today, we shall be bringing you what you have all been waiting for - an actual update on the War. As you well all be aware, the battle for Decahex mine 4 has been a gruesome war, more so since it emerged that both factions are using experimental Neural technology to gain the advantage over the other, and as we predicted, it really has made the diff-

- WHO CARES? ARE WE WINNING OR NOT?!?

- Patience you infantile automaton. WarPorn News Network are proud to reveal the Warmission victory scores as of #124320 are... 80 - 59 . But that's not all, as if further proof that the neural scanners have become viable technology was needed, the total scores including information stolen from captured commanders shows a very different picture:

94 - 97

- Just goes to show that Intelligence really can make the difference here in Heavy Metal W-

- QUIET HARRIDEN! WE HAVE JUST RECEIVED MESSAGE FROM AUTOBOT FORCES BREACHING TRANSMISSION HUB 4 OVER IN DELGHI HEIGHTS… HEY, ISNT THAT WHERE WHEELIE AND ZOMBI SUPPOSED TO BE?

- Shut it, oaf. The statement reads:

We the undersigned Autobots have the Decepticons known as Zombi Cheerleader and Nemesis Wheelie prisoner. Neither of the prisoners will be harmed if our demands are met in a timely manner. These are what we require:

1) All future broadcasts from WPNN are to represent both sides of the war.
2) You will deliver Roller back to Prime, unharmed, and stop forcing it to eat Sustains energon curry (You know Optimus can't handle hot food since the Kremzeek ‘incident’)
3) You take down *that* giant poster of Chromia from the outer wall of Tower Shaft 7, she has enough issues as it is and we don’t need you making it look that big.
4) You tell us, immediately, how to shut Nemesis Wheelie up.

Complete all of these and your co-anchors will be returned unharmed. Except maybe Wheelie, but we figured you probably wouldn’t mind.

Signed:
Alldarker - Autobot Savior
Absolute Zero - The real Autobot Saviour
Anshin – Shut it! I'm sick of the both of you!!

- Well, that settles it then, time to get Roller good and drunk as we’ve finally got rid of Wheelie! *YEAH!*

- YES!! SO FROM ME AND SPIDERBITCH, GOODNIGHT MINIONS!!

This is
WARPORNNEWSNETWORK

Tonight with the return your favourite co-hosts, Nemesis Wheelie and Zombi Cheerleader!!!

- Hello Minions, I'm Zombie Cheerleader and as today is New years eve, we will be looking at Hairdressing during the war, with a special report from Tracks on just how you create that sparkle, when all around you is reduced to rubble.

- And I'm Nemesis Wheelie. We begin tonight's festivities with a special report on Scraplets, an irritation of the armour plating's more 'sensitive' regions suffered by an estimated 3 in 10 mechs, usually passed from chassis to chassis via unprotected Powerlinking and, for the luckier amongst you, Gestalt combining. *nudgenudge*

- This image taken by perceptor at gunpoint shows clearly what dangerous little buggers they are.

- We asked the experts: In today's permissive society, why are people too scared to approach their medics for the correct protection, and what should you do if you or your any of your regular Powerlinking partners develop a painful brightly coloured transforming rash? Is it still safe to share a CR chamber with this 'friend'? And are the rumours that it came from touching too many fleshlings actually true?
All will be explained in slightly condescending manner later on in the show.

- As with all these 'linktually-transmitted' diseases, the most vulnerable to it are the youngest generation of Cybertronians. With both 'Gestalting' and Powerlinking on the rise the Autobot council of Medics, chaired by Absolute Zero, has released this stark warning: "It is always better to be safe than sorry - if you do feel that you want to Powerlink with a new partner, be it after a few fortified energons on a new years eve out or just because you are bored on a weeknight - be sure to protect yourself and if you are in any doubt get your interfaces tested first - no one wants a dose of the clang!" Wise words there, don't you think Wheelie?

- Gotta be better than the rash you caught from Iontrail eh, Zom-

- Well, that's all we have time for today, goodnight*snip*

The dust will settle over Mine 4 in Decahex and the region will again be eerily quiet. A giant crater and the ruins of an old tavern will remain the only obvious landmarks, accented by a grave bearing a battered tankard on a stick surrounded by discarded weapons and ruined armour plating. A figure can be imagined in the morning mist if you like, searching through the rubble for a loved one, a fallen comrade, or to make use of that which the dead no longer need, but no one will come here again.

"This is the Scout unit Gamma 3 reporting in, Sir. I have arrived at the border of the exclusion zone. Caustihaxl readings are at 22 parts per million and environmental protection is operating at 89% efficiency, all systems green, do I have permission to proceed? ... Well, to be honest Sir, I want to see the bar from the stories, the Bartender of Tranquillity's grave is supposed to be there and no one alive is supposed to have ever seen it. Datatracks say its only 2 clicks over that ridge. Man, this place is a mess, I can see the mine crater from here, and there's decayed bodies everywhere ... Hang on, I see the bar, why isn't it corrode- ... Never mind Sir, stand by"

In little to no time, the vicious weather conditions that made Decahex famous, amplified by the dissipated energon from the mines sabotage, will corrode everything and anything within a hundred miles. Climate has no time for sentiment. Scientists of our future will be at a loss to explain how an almost unmarked grave and a ruined tavern will stand against the elements as if untouched, much the same as they stood against the war, in a reminder to all that peace will always return eventually and no war can last forever...

"Ypres ...Salient? Odd name, fitting monument though. Little did you know what an impact your life, and death would bring, my murdered old friend ... What's that Sir? ... Sorry, I thought I heard you say something. Yes, everything is still 'intact'. As such. You know, its been almost a century since the Decahex disaster. Maybe the victors never really wanted to know what caused the initial explosion, but we'll never find out now, especially after they way they stripped the place. They never touched here though. Guess war has always been about who's got the biggest gun, probably why those creepy 'cons over at that factory always seem to have so much energon. I read up on the war here when I was told of this assignment, the mine was almost empty you know? The Arks had been launched to find more resources and some of them had even reported back with possible locations, there was no need for either faction to try and take this mine, it would have been barren by now anyway. The 'tracks also said that this was the first time that those neural-scanner thingys some crackpot Senator advocated were trialled, "Turns the tide of a battle" he's supposed to have said, "developed by 'Starscream the Deliverer'" and that he now keeps them under lock and key until a time of great need - good thing too, you think letting a half-insane psychopath near my brain waves is a good idea? Ugh, no."

The results of that battle changed the way war was fought forever. It was no longer 'who could win the most battles' as, alone, might was no longer right. Strategy, planning and Intelligence had been brought kicking and screaming into the conflict, and oh how it changed everything! One side hailed it as the most important discovery since they cracked the combiner process but swore used it sparingly, the other saw it as the key to their victory and soon began using it in every battle they could, damn near destroying what little support they had left, before a shadowy Senator stepped in and somehow got it banned outside of full-scale battle scenarios. Many think he wanted the war to continue - that this technology would end it all too quickly, but the rest of the senate agreed - or were somehow convinced.

"Affirmative Sir, there's nothing here. The ruins and the grave still present, look untouched even in this climate, and there's what's left of the old weapons left behind in the fabled ceasefire. Odd, they all have the same stamp on them, Vv21, on both the 'bot and the 'con loadouts ... Yeah, there's a few customs, but most are just mass-produced junk. ... Repeat that please, you're breaking up? ... 'shells got around 8 hours left before it needs a charge, I should be fine. Am I cleared to take a look inside the wreckage ... Sir? Sir? Hello? ... Always wanted to to see the famous bar's remains. Huh? ... I know the stories, I'll be quick ... Damned static ..."

The last few warriors to leave the battlefield after the mine had been stripped, a victorious commander and a pair of his defeated opponents, had stopped to inspect the crater that was once the planets last active energon mine. They had a resigned look in their eyes as they faced each other over the pit of destruction, but none of them raised a weapon or made a move toward the other. Wearying as war was, they knew that there was nothing else for them now, no escape, no respite. As they stared in vigil into the abyss of all that symbolised the death of the the planets last neutral zone, they held their weapons up as if to inspect them, held each others gaze for a fraction of a second, and tossed them silently into the darkness below. Then, as soundlessly as they stood, turned and walked their separate ways. These were the last people to set foot in Decahex and have a tale to tell.

"Uh, Sir? I'm not alone in here ... Energyscan is picking up a signature - unable to determine affiliation ... hello? Sir? Come in? Are you reading? ... All I'm getting is white noise. Heh, guess I'll just have to report in the old fashioned way. Now, to have a good look at ... Hey, it's you! So that's wha-"

Out of respect for the dead the area was left to be reclaimed by the solar winds and energy storms, and every exploration trip into the Decahex region since returned empty or didn't return at all. All that destruction, treachery, violence and bloodshed shattered an epoch of peace. ...but, through the simple act of making the area uninhabitable again, Cybertron herself will force tranquillity to return.

Decahex is lost forever to both factions, despite the victory of the AUTOBOTS.

THE (CORRECTED) FINAL SCORES
164 - 160
The Unknowns scored 15. Losers.