Captions by Ransom

Some people should never try hiding in plain sight.

[Edit to previous submission: Oops, it said China not Japan. I'm as oblivious as that tourist. *smacks self*]

Random tourist: So I go that way?

Mall cop: Iie! Anata wa bakahito desu! [No!! You are an IDIOT!]

Narrator: And so, to bring peace to the galaxy, Prime allowed a statue to be built that would always point to the one true place - the comic store.

(Whoops, accidentally posted as you Silver Wind. Sorry sis.)

Curse these stubby arms! I can't quite reach... that... stupid... itch!

Starscream was fortunate that as a prank Lazerbeak only dropped some eggs on Starscream's head while he was in recharge. Toilet paper would have gummed up Starscream's joints, jammed his intakes, stuck to his feet...

Starscream: Egg me, will you? You stupid squishies, I'll show you what evil REALLY is!

Just to remind you all to read the warning next to the picture, and observe that captions which amount to written descriptions of a porno scene from some porno movie violate the spirit of the Ultimate Caption Contest. Thank you.

Windcharger: (peers at caption writers in horror) What in Primus' name is wrong with you people?!

Brawn: Slag it, even Starscream isn't as dirty!

Starscream: (off-stage) Hey!

R3: How long have we been holding this pose?

R2: Forget that - how much _longer_ will we be holding this pose?

R1: Three weeks. Whenever Seibertron gets remembers to get back to us.

R3 & R2: *whimper*
______________
J/k, Seibs. :)

R3: Is the view better up there?

R1: Just a bit higher!

R2: *grunt*

R3: Better?

R1: Yeah! I can see the femmebots now! Wow, Arcee is killer in that bikini...

R3: I want a turn!

R2: *mutters* A bikini in the Arctic? Something isn't r

Vortex: No, stop! Don't do--!

Hasbro: Cybertron is in the Armada/Energon continuity.

Universe (and TF fans: AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHH!

Vortex: --it... Great, Hasbro, just great. You just destroyed the universe's sanity. *mutters* Cyber

Optimus Prime gets a head start on Christmas by purchasing the largest tree-topper he can find.

Cost of Autobot-sized fishing rod: $210

Percent of single energon ration used up to travel to favorite river: 45.27

Fishing with your best friend on a sunny day: Absolutely priceless.

A picture taken just before Elita One shows Starscream and company why you seriously do not want to scratch a femmebot's fresh paint job.

When it comes to dealing with obsessive fan hordes, even Shockwave tries to hide. This time, unfortunately, he forgot to dim his optic.

Shockwave: At last, I am safe.

Fan hordes: *see glowing light* THERE HE IS! GET'IM!

Rattrap was fatally distracted from his mission as he realized that he actually *could* see his room -- and see Dinobot throwing away his cheese collection!

Inferno: Red Alert? Are you alright?

Red Alert: Of course!

Inferno: Really? I mean, you're SMILING.

Red Alert: What's wrong with that?

Inferno: Oh, nothin' -- just've never seen you relaxed before. You're always uptigh

Red Alert: Thank you for saving me, Inferno, but you should have let me die; I enjoy pain.

Inferno: Ok. *drops RA over the cliff*

Producer: What the-- Alright who messed with the script?!

Inferno and the other Autobots: Heeheehee.

Prime: (offscreen) Ok, now, you've just saved Red Alert from a horrible death, so smile. You too, Red Alert.

Red Alert: *smiles*

Inferno: ...

Prime: (offscreen) Come on, Inferno.

Inferno: I can't, Prime! He was about to die a horribl

What you know: Red Alert and Inferno smiling about Inferno's joke.

What you DON'T know: Inferno wasn't joking. >:)

Red Alert: Inferno, your processor must be underclocked! Why by Primus do you keep setting the alarm off? What if Decepticons had actually been at the base? And frightening me into your arms? My dignity will never recover!

Inferno: I know MY reputation

The threesome relaxing on a rocky hill, taking bets to see how far Ransom can punt snavej for extreme bad taste.

Tracks: (sniff) What wax did you use, Prime?

Optimus: Oh, um...

Tracks: It's alright, I'll stay next to you until you remember.

Optimus: (thinking to himself) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Daniel: Come on, you just hafta tell me how you're able to fit in my room!

Rodimus: Nuh-uh.

Megatron: Hah! I am unmoved by your puny attempts to make me increase the number of squishies you get a week! Now get up and finish the jamming array or I will send you into orbit with my fusion cannon!!

Soundwave: ...Cannot move...

Starscream: Mayb

Dinobot: See, children? Drink wholesome energon and YOUR razor-sharp teeth will look like this. And remember to floss after eating rodents, too.

Cheetor thought he goaded Dinobot into a contest of "Who Can Smile Like The Cheshire Cat", while Dinobot thought Cheetor wanted to play "Eat The Cat"...

Prime restrains Starscream from killing every member who is too lazy to come up with a caption that is NOT sexual in nature.

Megatron gained an appreciation for the squishies' "PhotoShop" after Sideways showed him how to make it seem that it was Starscream who was defeated.

Cheetor learned an important lesson that day: never stand beneath a painter on a rickety ladder.

Perceptor: *kicks comp terminal* All right, Hot Rod, this means war! I am going to install Windows XP on your computer -- without security patches!

For once, Perceptor was on the receiving end of trying to get a scientist's attention.

Wheeljack thought Perceptor knew what he meant by the Earth phrase "Boot the computer." He learned otherwise.

The ruler of Carbombya and his advisers had only one complaint about the commissioned marker: the stars did not look like them in the least.

Blades: What are you just standing for?! Heal me!

First Aid: But you are being healed -- simply wait for the feng shui of the room to do its stuff.

Blades: ...I'm gonna die.

Perceptor: *examines the UCC pic* That is very obviously PhotoShop-ed. I have never behaved in such an undignified manner.

Rumble: But I look just like my handsome Decepticon self!

Perceptor: An even more telling clue to its falseness.

Rumble: Wh

Some days it just doesn't pay to get up and look in the mirror.

Rumble: No, really, I have done this before! Just give me a cycle and you'll be good as new.

Perceptor: Get off! I want a REAL chiropractor!

Perceptor: By Primus, is that a purple pimple?!

Blitzwing lost yet another round of paintball.

Blitzwing is shown what the art term "living canvas" means.

Upon closer scrutiny, the giant realized that he had not bought a collectible "Optimus Prime" but rather a less-desirable "Ultra Magnus" action figure.

Blaster: --and you see, that's why Hot Rod said "Yes" when Arcee asked him if he liked that repaint of herself; so Arcee went like *this* and shoved him into the next galaxy. So don't expect to see Hot Rod at the meeting.

Kup: ...zz

Blaster: OhbyPrimusyouwouldn'tbelievewhatIhavetotellyou!

Kup: Al' right, Blurr, Halloween was over months ago!

Optimus: Aaaah! Ugly! Must.. avert.. optics... *accidentally steps on her because he isn't looking*

Narrator: And THAT is why, boys and girls, you never go outside in drag.

Random person: What's your secret to growing such beautiful crimson flowers?

Elderly woman: It takes a special crimson liquid...*pulls out gun*

Optimus Primal is happy that he scored a ride on the Big O himself. Really happy, honest. Don't let that stolid expression fool you.

Monster #1: "Woah, what IS that THING, Frankie?!"
Frankie: "Behold! my science project! Mwahahahah!!"

I just realized how horrible my hair looks! How can I ever be forgiven?!