Captions by Jaw Crusher

The sum of the root of any two sides of an isoceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side...oh, joy! Rapture! I've got a brain!

This is why you don't see many E.T. ripoffs anymore.

Optimus: (loud enough that all the Autobots can hear) Yes, Spike, as leader of the Autobots, approval of Mr. Bay's film and everything in it was my responsibility. (Then kneeling to Bumblebee and Spike, whispering) That's also why there's

This is what happens when you let George Lucas direct a TF movie.

Skyfire: "I dunno what happened, Optimus...I found Sideswipe passed out and Sunstreaker quivering in giddy shock in front of Teletran-1, mumbling something about 'new Classics-slash-Universe toys'."
Optimus: "Great. Remind me to

"...and I'm gonna hold him and love him and squeeze him and keep him forever and name him George!"

"What you mean 'Optimus send Dinobots here 'cuz nobody like characters who talk funny'??? Yoda talk backwards for 900 years and everybody love HIM!"

Skywarp: "How many did he have?"
Thundercracker: "Just one."
Skywarp: "JUST ONE???"
Thundercracker: "Yeah, don't rub it in. Just take your hundred credits."

Even after the Constructicons disengaged, all six of them were still talking with high-pitched vocabulators for at least an hour afterwards.

"Curse you, Spider-Man!!!"

"It wasn't me, sir! It was Scourge! HE taped over 'Desperate Housewives'!"

Windcharger: "Oh yeah, that feels great. Now that nobody's around to pay attention to us, we can...wait, what? The Caption Contest has been updated? SH**!!!"

"GO SPARTANS!!! WOOOO-HOOOO!!!"

Blurr: "Ohnolook! Vortexmustbethechosenone! Hespartingtheredseajustbywavinghisarms!"
Kup: "He's usin' FORCE BEAMS, you hyperactive ass! Just shoot him!"

Optimus: "You revived me? You...a Quintesson?"
Quintesson: "I had no choice...the entire franchise was threatened!!!"

"Out of the night, when the full moon is bright...comes a swordsman known as Zorro..."

Spike: "Carly, quick! Defibrillate Jagger again before the audience figures out what's happened!"
Blaster: "And I'll crank the bass so that the audience will be too disoriented to notice the smell!"

Hot Rod: "...now I'm not saying this is not the shark; it probably is, Magnus, it probably is; it's a predator, and extremely rare for these waters...but the fact is that the bite radius on this animal is different than the wounds on the vi

Starscream: "Elita, can't you see I love you?"
Elita: "Bite me!"
Starscream: "You seriously prefer Prime? A guy who let himself get driven from Cybertron four million years ago?"
Elita: "Shut up!"
Starscre

"Heh-heh! I've followed Optimus all the way to Alpha Trion's secret base! Now I'll be able to destroy him AND Elita-1 while she's still...wait...what's that he's got plugged into her...oh, Sweet Primus! And this is suppo

Optimus Primal: "All right, that does it. From now on, we smuggle in Romulan ale and leave the cordrazine at home."

Wow, Seibertron's just making the Caption Contestway too easy.

Fireflight: "Well - there are two banthas down there, but I don't see any...wait a second...there's Sandpeople, all right, I can see one of them n-oh, nope, that's Chevy Chase wearing his jeans on his head."
Air Raid: "...an

Though the other Autobots found Tracks' bootlicking hilarious, for Optimus it brought only an aching, lonely night in the showers afterwards, curled up in a corner, holding himself in chills and crying out Ariel's name where the drizzle of clean

Daniel: "Oh man, I had the worst dream! I dreamt that Optimus had been shot in the head by a purple dinosaur pretending to be Megatron, and then Cybertron turned into a giant plant, and then Ultra Magnus was a gun-toting psycho trying to crack Optim

Dragstrip was becoming ever more uncomfortable with this part of the mission - not necessarily because he might be seen by Autobots, but because Motormaster kept catcalling and whistling at him...

"No, Arcee, me not know where Daniel is...oh, me Grimlock think someone should clean this place up better; me Grimlock slip and fall on something squishy, make red stain all over bottom."

Thrust: "That cloud up there looks like the Helix Gardens."
Soundwave: "And that cloud looks like the Iacon Chamber of the Ancients."
Starscream: "And that cloud looks like the Dinobots skydiving out of an Autobot shuttlecraft,

Boy, it's nice to see the Rolling Stones back on tour again.

Optimus: "Listen to me, man! It's not worth it!"
Starscream: "But I hate going to sequels without having seen the last one!"
Optimus: "For the love of Primus, Starscream, DO NOT RENT BATMAN & ROBIN! Remember what Prow

'Optimus': "But I AM Optimus Prime! And this is my arch-nemesis Megatron!"
Turbo: "Yeah, yeah, pal! And I suppose Optimus Prime ALWAYS had a picture of Tony the Tiger inside his left leg! Man, what a couple of oddballs...right

Finally, after weeks on a desperate hunt, with Lieutenant Gerard trailing his every move, Dr. Richard Kimble came face to face with the one responsible for the murder of his wife...

Slingshot: "Hey guys, check this out! 'Lookit me, I'm Optimus Prime, save the humans so we can mooch fuel offa them in their slobbering gratitude, I'm here on a mudball planet while my girlfriend and best friend are back in Iacon and

Cheetor: "Yeah, baby...I am one sexy b****!"
Optimus Primal: "Oh, great. So THAT's where the stains on the floor of the Axalon are coming from."

Perceptor: "Hello mah baby, hello mah honey, hello mah ragtime gal..."
Wheeljack: "Dude, you STAY on your side of the room, alright?"

Whatever happens in Carbombya City STAYS in Carbombya City.

Badly-mistitled Caption Contest image, or public service ad for Barclay's Protomorphosis Syndrome Awareness Week? You make the call.

Game voiceover: "Greetings, Starfighter! You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Codan Armada..."
Bumblebee: "Eh, I've played this game before. Save your money, unless you want Julie Andr

"Note To Hasbro: This Optimus Prime Voice Changers sucks!"

First Aid: "...congratulations, Blades, it's a boy!"
Blades: "You say you put Daniel in my head, I will rip out your spark with my bare dexterital modulators."

"Aw no, it's the Great Gazoo again!"

Ah, nice to see some test art from 88 MPH Studios, though I really don't know if a Transformers/Ghosbusters crossover will fly.

Blurr: "Whatsthatdaniel? Youreflyingintometroplexallbyyourself? Theresnooneelseaboard? Theshipisbeingpummeledbylaserfirefromcyclonusandscourge? (Starts making static noises with his mouth) Uhohuohdanielimlosingyou! (makes more static noises)
Rodim

Unfortunately, such was the clamor of the G1 purists when Hasbro unveiled its new line of cartoon-accurate toys that the prototypes were slobbered into ruins in less than ten minutes.

Blaster: "Psst...I'm not wearing pants!"
Kup: "News flash, nimrod! Neither am I! (beneath his breath) Dumbass...need to lay off the Krimzeek Cola."

Well, hopefully next time Jessica Simpson will be smart enough not to hide in the nearest tanning booth when there's an extended Decepticon attack on the city.

The excitment George Lucas had for making a space fantasy was apparent, but ultimately the producers convinced him to save it until after 'American Graffiti' was finished.

Here you see a snippet from the 'lost G.I. JOE crossover episode' of the post-movie Transformers cartoon. In this scene, Marissa Faireborne's mother proves she still knows the dreadful hiss of Snake's voice when she hears it.

"...this ride sucks. I wanna go on Space Mountain!"

Sadly, stodgy old classic-movie buffs rejoiced with ultra-conservative glee when the first images from the set of Peter Jackson's 'King Kong' were leaked...